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Break

May 22, 2016

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Oh my goodness….I have had so many break throughs centered around: acceptance of self, self worth, and self love. It has me ever curious to find my next steps in freeing self, yet again from mind. This is a commitment to a journey mired in layers of unpracticality, and the beauty of practice. A quest-path of complete determination with self administered dedication to be free of mind, so to live in real time.

It will catch you by your heart when you need it too, and it will tickle your feet with reminders that once you fall down ~ it is only, so you can get back up more sure of next moves. Ushering in waves of commitment made and the promise given to evolve. My name is Kellie J ~ and I am 100 % spirit led. I follow all signs and intuitions which have never left me stranded too long in the middle of not knowing. Angels and ancient memories whispering to continue forward in the almost giving up minutes, so to keep focused on what is monument, and not the insignificant thinking about things that are not happening, or cannot happen, and happen to keep us circling.

This is why we must stay in our now to know our truth-north. Sometimes this means sitting with self for days, and other times longer while knowing that the pressing harder on our thoughts will reap just rewards. Beating though negative energies with a knowing to never accept first answers that come, or try to trick us down the wrong road to alleviate the pain in our spiritual growth.

I implore you to stay your path all the way through the dark and the light times, for it will grant access to the keys of the kingdom, again, and again. Each time in just enough internal medicine, for to bring what is needed in ascension to next level awareness in real time. Of course only when you are ready (never before). This is a baby steps kind of thing, and why Patience is as paramount as the belief that there is water in the molecules of life that we cannot see.

I am very centered right now. I feel very confidant while working hard and awaiting next steps in the progress of this thing I AM called to do in my life. I thank God, whom I love so much, my inner/outer guides, and supporters. Fastidiously stuck in the my truth that there are no words to express the love I have, for my amulet of family and close friends who have garnered and granted me their undying love and support, who get me, and know what I must do to follow this masters path of enlightenment.

My wish for all tonight is to love life, for it will love you back. I cannot express enough that this is a practice, it is patience, and it is working through all fear, pride, and ego. It is learning to not have to be right all the time, and most importantly that you do not have to accept any negative thoughts towards yourself or others (ever) that keep you from the beauty of all and especially your own. Please learn to shine bright in who you came to be.

Eternally, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus

Sing

May 13, 2016

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“Be your one ~ then and only can you love another.” Kellie J. Wright ~ IN

Do your inner soul work: make a deep and longing declaration to yourself to free your life from anything that is holding you back from the light that you know and believe is your truth.

Question all you believe, dive deeper, disrobe mentally. Step into the light. Step into your dark. You do not have to, but happiness is where we find strength. So…where are you looking, for your happiness? What do you feed your vulnerabilities? Which dictionary do you grab to create your mental diet?

Are you using the right words to sing you to life?

Believe me, words matter, thoughts matter, your dictionary of you matters. Do you wander around the same pages of your life year after year? Well…do you? Think about it….then…

I dare you to climb over the top of your assumptions to look at the patterns of your circumference and then make a promise to resist the urge to circle. To listen to the backdrop of your mind, look for variances in your voice, your heart, your wallet, your food, your outlets, your inlets, your words…yes ~ listen to your words to disdain what distant corners may be calling to you.

Is there someone inside of you just begging to be heard, a part of you pressing their nose against the glass of your inner eye held mute behind your eyes? If so, please stop to center yourself then ask this one amazing question, and mean it.

“Am I the one holding me back?” Then wait, and quietly ask again, then again, and each time a little softer than the last. Do you feel something there? Something a little bit deeper than: your menu, your wallet, your choice of television shows, repetitive music, or anything else that is holding you captive ~ something that is asking you to breach out of your reality?

Do you feel it? Maybe you can, or cannot make it out, but do you know it? Maybe you are afraid to speak the words to anyone because your fear is that you will actually break apart.

If so, oh, please do not be scared, for you are not alone. I too was once there, and I made it through. Many times now, and several rounds around the bends and illusions of self.

The good news is that I made it, and ~ I am here. Called to guide others, so you can too. But first you have to ~ reach out to take that first next step. Be brave to dare to see what you already know.

There are many awake to guide, others who heard the call first, so find someone you connect with, and then reach out to start the journey to clear false self, fear, ego, and pride.

It is baby steps, it is truth, it is ugly, it is beautiful, and it, my friend, is soul freeing. Hands up it is the best gift you will ever give to you, or ever receive. For the gift of loving and accepting you for exactly who you are and who you came to be is priceless.

~ I took an Enlightenment Intensive three June’s ago, and I pondered a question. “Why does a caged bird sing?” I had never read the poem by Maya Angelou, but know the name, and this is my answer that came “Because She Is Happy”.

Internal Narcissus believes that when we are happy there is no cage. We make the best of our lives in every situation. Trusting, God, and knowing that he has his hand on everyone and everything at all times.

This is the transformation at its Genesis, and once we are free from fear connected in real-time by being the gift of loving who we are for who we are…then we recieve the gift that lights every day whether good or bad.

It is all a choice. This is for sure, but it is not so simple to just say these things we have to walk through ourselves and sing ourselves back to life. Just like learning to love ourselves…we must chose to accept ourselves the whole way through and back. Freeing old songs to flee, so we can sing new ones to life, so we can start to live again, to grow anew, and love ourselves faithfully, so that we can truly love others.

It is a circle. It is life. It is us.

Kellie J. Wright
Voice of Internal Narcissus
Transformation Guide at Internal Journeys

Circles and Rings

Apr 13, 2016

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If you think you are alone in your lesson. Stop for just a second then put your hand to your chest. Touch your heart. Close your eyes and breathe in one deep breath. Upon slowly exhaling know that we are all in a lesson. Our lives are living lessons. Some of us are aware of this, and some are not. Others are on the tip of this knowing. Sitting at the cusp of an awakening one sip from all that will harken them forward into the light.

Awakenings are happening daily, some maybe in the middle of this reading, or in a dream later tonight (And so it is.), but there is one thing I do know faithfully and believe with all of my heart. God can wake us up in a split second once we are surrendered in the right frequency. Completely open and ready to do thy works not thine. Dedicated to the truth no matter what it looks like on the outside.

No one is immune from their lessons, either. The lessons of love and fear, and all of their joys and heartaches are a part of the designer seed given to us through birth. Seeds that burn us from the inside out while trying to connect in real time. How we grow forward depends on a lot, and is all a part of an unfolding belief that we can change the way we feel about ourselves one thought at a time. Oh no, we cannot just want for these chasms to be filled we have to leap into them with a passion that is unbridled. We must work for them. We must process all happenings until we have processed all blocks in earnest, or, we circle…

We circle the cave of our heart. Circle the path of resistance. Circle the stairs of trust not being able to fully lay down our pride, but all the while curled up inside like a ball, which is a circle. ~ We circle the memories in our minds. We circle at the invisible wall of reasoning that we did not choose, but keeps us locked in a circle of untruth disguised as a feeling of fearful protection. An invisible boundary to self that shields us from the truth that we are all one. Yes, we are all the lessons and the middle and fourth steps of intended growing-in to be resurrected in the now.

Internal Narcissus believes that if your lesson ends with someone that just means it is taken somewhere else to start again. We cannot escape our lessons they are written down, and love never stops or leaves…it burns into another circle in our cycle of life. Another layer in the ring of the tree of you to circle until the day we hand walk ourself to a fire that is roaring, so loud that we cannot help but walk straight into it; arms at our sides, eyes wide open, mouth agape, and in the sincerest trust that we will finally burn free of the insanity.

Oh yes, we can leave a lesson that stings when we need rest, and we should, self care is so important and we may need too, for this work is hard, but we do take ourselves where ever we go in another ring of time and space. A place to stave off the pain while we circle another lesson that rings…

Rings in our minds eternal. Rings of our tree eternal. The rings in our hearts eternal. The rings in our ears eternal. The rings in the waters of our destinies eternal as the ripples of cause and effect bleed out…eternal.

Oh loved ones, beautiful people, please, I implore you to find the the pain in the fears of your sorrow that have not yet deemed you worthy enough to be faced. To not keep taking them from one place to the next, and give your self a chance to grow-in not circle.

Eternally, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus

Check-IN April 2, 2016

Apr 2, 2016

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“My whole life, right now, is an unwinding of what I wound.” Kellie J. Wright ~ IN

I took this quarter off from college to sort through all of the finer details of my life. I am talking about things like: buying my credit report to see what it looks like and start actions needed and finding then taking my last two broken iPhones to a professional to salvage the hard drives. This task by the way, is the most important to me as I store all of my downloads from spirit, writings of inspiration, and notes for projects in my phone. Also, organize all of my photos from the last three plus years of this transformational Internal Narcissus journey which are in two different computers. Oh, then there is the catching up on the little things like….mailing my nephews Christmas presents because life went crazy right afterwards, and trying to start some sort of regular communication with my family and friends. ~ I feel it is safe to say that a messy life is acquired when one goes on a 100% spirit-led journey, taking the road less traveled becoming a spiritual misfit.

Yes, these things are on my mind, and I cannot stop thinking about all of these things because I have the space to. It makes me cry missing people that I love, at the drop of a hat or song, and with new clarity seeing things much more defined. I know thinking about all of these things makes me who I am, so I think and I feel and I own the love and emptiness that comes in waves. Solid in it is the right thing to do. Listening and believing that God will keep me on path signing the way for my intended next steps to live and grow out loud this song of rebirth and redemption. Markers being shown that I now have to make room outside of my brain and body to be present with that manifestation too. Like: answering phone calls, making phone calls, reaching out, and co-creating my life by taking charge of its design and momentum.

Internal Narcissus believes that once we work through the inside blocks and triggers then we have to work on the outside ones. Believing that these things can be handeled quickly once we start them, but first we have to slow down to make time. This afternoon is the first time since I left Big Bear, CA that I really feel like I had a day to sit and just be. Winter quarter done, and heavy decision made to stave off spring quarter to take time to feel and process the lose of my relationship that ended the beginning of January, and to enjoy my great new jobs and people in my now. Be the spiritual coach and mentor that I am called to be. Slowly catch up on bills and responsibilities. Save some money for a new pair of boots and be happy that all of my animals are healthy, happy, and strong. Mostly that I have a safe place to live and grow, and have found a peace in the last few weeks that is so real inside of me in knowing that I have finally learned how to let go and still love. Huge Sigh…this is heaven, alone.

Life is happening, and we decide how to process ours, so it is imperative that we learn the skills to do it. These skills are earned one at a time. One little sparkle of knowledge gleaned through the faith to linger and sit in fear and to process its truth: no matter what it looks like on the outside. All of the lessons learned in the last 6 months have made me stronger than I knew I could. My Twin Flame relationship refining my vision as I worked in mediums of me in: love, fear, pride, ego, and mirrors that shook my very core being. I never could have ever thought this fire and transforming was possible until him. I love him and us and all that we tried. I am amazed at what this type of work will show and bring out in a person. I have never seen myself so clear. It took three months of processing to find it all. & All I can say is that I AM present and I AM awake, and am ready for the next steps in my journey: a year with me. And so it is.

I need to not be anybody’s for a while, I need to be mine, so I can become the woman I have always dreamed of being: a woman who full of grace. I am, and have always been a woman who believes in magic and miracles, so I am keeping my heart, eyes, and ears open to know the way. Dear Universe, I relinquish control and am surrendered to what God and I can co-create, again, as I dive-in backwards to find and honor all that was and is. This time, ~ so I can truly be. “We can only grow as we know.” & “We can grow quickly when paying attention.”

Faith in the unknown keeps me on a path of enlightenment and expedition to become mindless.

Eternally, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus ~ 100% Spirit-led and Balanced in Love and Fear. #transformation #love #fear #balance #spiritual #guide #shinebright in going slow to find the truth in everything.

Fade

Mar 26, 2016

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“We have to fade to fly.” ~ Kellie J. Wright

I do not cry about love lost. I usually burn in its memory. I tithe its reflection as it fades, and pine until the last glitter of light gives way. I feel too much, and I do not say enough as I bleed the promise dry before laying the memory to rest ~ Or, that is what I used to Do, for I AM no longer that unwell. The strength of my vanity always a good little girl letting things be, but that was still a prodded side of dark.

I cried en masse yesterday and the day before in a way that was respectful of my loss and the love in my favorite parts of its memory. Then I shed doubt in a final twist as I walked wrung free of guilt straight into a new night of stars, galaxies, and rebirth.

Internal Narcissus knows that we must pay attention to signs, not trust our mind when it is in conflict, and that we must dig deep to find strength to cleanse our memories. Only then can we thrive in our inherently good intentions.

We know right from wrong we just need to be it too, so we can be the people we came to be. Fully resurrected humans who are awake, conscious, and full of wonder and awe.

Be your own best friend and spiritual travel guide. I will show you how, but you have to do the work. This is about you and no one else. This is a how-you thing!

Come join me and our team at Internal Narcissus where We are learning to love ourselves more everyday, so we can truly Love, Lead, and Guide others. All facilitated by changing the way we feel about ourselves in freeing ourselves from fear one thought, and one moment in mind at a time.

Eternally,

Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart

Downloaded March 25, 2016 @ 9:54 AM And so it is.

God is My Lotto

Feb 28, 2016

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God is my Lotto.

I’ve never been more sure that I do not need another to complete me. It is in this final take on relationships and upon work done with twin-flame that the last blocks have been cleared regarding my self-worth. I am done bullying myself, thinking myself unworthy, and hoping for things to be without a solid commitment on how to make things better. We cannot wish desired outcomes into life. No, they take hard work and outside help when it comes to the embattled relics of hearts broken trying to heal and love in real time.

I wish things could have been what we know they were once and could have become what we know we are, but we did not, and it has left me in a precarious place that I have never been before. A place where I feel defiant not guilty; where I feel present not alone; where I am OK not downtrodden or sad; and most of all, a place where I feel no longing for something that cannot be.

Instead I find myself completely at home in the middle of the tree of me. I am not afraid even though I am still numb, and for the first time ever I have never felt more complete in knowing that when something breaks this far it is gone. When something is gone we must let go, or we will hold ourself back. Holding back keeps us from growing forward, and so on.

Internal Narcissus believes there is no grace in the disillusion of hearts. Believing that souls cry when they are forced to separate and this is what we feel in the manifestation of human pain and suffering. The hurt we have caused one another, the pinning, and staying in sadness so long ~ all an epitaph when love is lost. Two souls knowing how long it took to find each other, and not knowing how long it will take to do so again.

Even if done, in my wildest dreams right, there is no escaping the pain of this separation whether we are facing it head-on or burying it by trudging on to another. Yet there is reassurance from God that we will and can be who we came to be if we just take a deep breath this time to heal afterwards. If we commit to go slowly by choosing to tread carefully in the space around, ahead, and within us. Taking care to not harm ourself or others in the processing of these massive riffs of pain that come in waves stronger than the deepest ocean swell…

…I am not sure how I could have ever been so thoughtless with myself and others all the years before all of these hard works done. Rushing past my pain, burying my discontent, denying my anger and dismay that promises were broken and lines crossed. Forever I AM awake now and know better. I am present and cannot disregard the sanctions of my heart as she tries to make sense of all that has transpired while being fair to life and all that it fans and flames. Another mortal in this cosmic swell of planets sifting around a sun while I fight to unlearn everything and thought I have wagered.

I have held my twin-flame, walked through fire to be born again, and have transformed more times than I can count, and I swore to not get emotional in this blog, but the truth is I can do nothing else. I am forever awake with no more understanding of this one truth. “Know thyself, so you can be thyself.” Do not take your thoughts, beliefs, or anything you resist as truth. Dig deeper, find the light in your heart calling you home and then and only then will you know peace.

I assure you that I did not know I would end up where I am three years ago. Every step was spirit-led and I obeyed. I did not even know I would share some of things I just did, but I live and grow out-loud in the hopes to inspire others. I live in real time and I know that the best is yet to come no matter what it looks like on the outside or feels like on the inside at times, so I rise.

After all, we are all worthy of having a life worth living and sharing with others, and it can be done once we do our inner child work, learn to communicate openly in real time while being balanced in love and fear. Practice the Four Agreements (it is a must), and do the hard inner soul works to become free from fear and balanced in light and dark.

This place I am is and has been my whole journey. It is way more than what I asked, for God will give all that you are when you are open, surrendered, and ready. I have come full circle, and I have proof through three years of documentation of my whole journey. I have those who have been with me as guides, mentors, accountably partners, close friends, and family who can coordinate every belief that I share.

If I could have one wish it would be for every human being to know that they are worthy of their own self-respect and trust. That we can change the way we feel about ourselves one thought at time. I find joy in things so simple now, and want for nothing because I won the Lotto of a lifetime.

God is my Lotto, my lifeline, my flood, my thirst for anything outside of me quelled while I am dining at the banquet of life blessed at the vine ripe for the taking because I committed to become a better person no matter what it took. I changed everything about me one thought one fight with self at at time.

Let us be clear, I have lost sufficiently in this battle, but every-time been uplifted because I never once faltered to believe that God may have a better plan for me than I did. Praying and meditating while using my internal flash drive full of cosmic and internal DNA memories to guide me. With full belief that I will never hit the ground because God has his hand on me and I believe.

I dug into my thoughts with bare hands and gnarling teeth to break through the leathery dowery of karma carried through to bloom free and resurrect in the gold. My inner child now barefoot and happily centered in branches full of spectral-light. Cleansed perfect with the mark of thy clarity starred in observation. All so I know what he made, who I am, and can finally believe that I am breathtakingly perfect, if only for the reason that, God loves me.

Finally Comfortable IN My Own Skin,

Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus

P.S. Internal Narcissus is taking the rest of the year off to reflect and settle into all of the work done, and to process the shifts of transformations I have undergone in the three plus years of internal works; and finally rest in “A Place Beyond Belief.”

Today I am going to cross a bridge, and I am ready. It is curious to me how we can wake up backwards one day with no realization of how long we have been facing the opposite direction when thought facing forward.

Maybe slow turns of recognition and pushes through the night garnered a graceful resurrection of full pardon? Coiling that slowly pushed me into this next right alignment, or, maybe it was a hard crash in the night of a frozen reality that forced me to shatter off a sleepwalk, so deep, that I was blinded behind thought awakened eyes?

Whatever the cause, or case ~ all of the good works done over the last three plus years have bronzed me to full stature with a chiseled clarification of worth and self, and I AM finally 100% awake and home.

I want to share that there are always more layers of learning than the ones currently being attained, and that we can go as far as we want to, but that we cannot skip ahead of our lessons of intended learning, ever.

These stepping stones to clarity are earned one slow personal war with self (no one else) at a time while doing very hard internal soul-work. Badges given to equal current placement, desire, and dedication to being the best, most honest, and open self that you can.

I have died internally and externally numerous times on my path to be resurrected in the gold. Every time raised more fortified, more confidant, more strong, and more poised from each new kneading and entry to kiln: I have never grown backwards, for I will only grow forward, and will never stay the same.

This is why I beg you to please not fear the heat of purification or the cold of darkness, for it is in this throwing that true agitation can produce the calling within that is needed to be a little braver, and less angry each time that we fall. Causing us to listen further, ask more questions, and in honest desperation seek to know thy will. We need only call his name, for him to spark the heart-light of our inner sanctum and safe-place in the cave of our heart.

Internal Narcissus believes every human is worthy and deserves love and peace, so please re-read the book of you until you find each broken part to wash clean. Look at your life with a new understanding of how glorious and beautiful your messy-self is in the real time now that is you. Find the tree of you, surrender on fallen knees, and ask for help. Give it to God, be a ball of clay emptied of pride, ego, and fear. Surrender and be ready for the remolding of your life, co-created, for you cannot do this without God, and he cannot do it for you.

I AM still in shock and awe from the last three plus years of my spiritual-journey of enlightenment and transformation that has come full circle. I am alone, and I am again trying to make sense of my life and me, but I AM stronger, I AM present, and I AM ready.

This being I do not wonder about the why as much as keeping focused on all of the goodness that surrounds me daily. I keep my heart on track by staying very still. Reaching out, and praying more than I ever have. Also trusting more than ever, too, because I certainly believe that God has his hand on everything and everyone and that he loves us all the same whether we do, or do not. His plan for us is a personal journey that will unfold if we just let go…

So, it is in this knowing that I cannot slow down to mourn the beauty of a life that I feel so blessed to have. Rather I will honor its dark and its light as I always do, as gifts from spirit to align my path and truest destiny. While keeping face forward on this long and winding Picasso of Fireworks that is my life, and road less traveled.

IN Love and Light,
Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus

Photo:”Seeking infinite wisdom.” ~ Jaymz K. Kennedy ~ IN Resident Photographer

Only

Jan 21, 2016

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“You can only ever be where you are. Where you are mentally has nothing to do with where you are physically. Where you are mentally and physically have nothing to do with where you want to be in your heart, and then again, they have nothing to do with where you are in your heart.”

These operating places are all happening at the same time; dreams, illusions, wishes, intentions, intent, expectations, and promises while all competing for your time. These feelings will override your mind to exhaustion if not understood. Please, it is imperative that We must learn to control our minds by thinking about our thoughts. What compels them, when they happen, and what we do when they happen to start looking for patterns to find our way through the dark to the light.

The corridors of the operating systems are long and deep, it is hard work to find them and even harder to survive the work that must be done to break through, but I assure you worth it in the end. ~ If We do not…we have not understood the first part of awakening…it is in understanding that we do not have to believe the things we think and that we are in control of our minds combined with a complete surrender to God that we will be blessed with this new way to perceive and be present in real-time.

We need only call his name to receive the grace of our first lifting of veil. I pray for all whom are ready and willing to call his name to find the strength to now. And so it is. ~ We are the only thing holding ourselves back from the peace that comes from putting God first.

Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus

Fierce

Dec 30, 2015

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“This is the year I will be stronger, braver, kinder & unstoppable ~ this year I will be FIERCE” ~ Anonymous quote from meme on Instagram ~

I don’t think I have ever been fierce, not in the way it’s intended for empowerment anyway. Officially I have been fearless, so as to fight my battles, to fight my fear, to fight my pain, fighting my mind and its elaborate illusions to steer me from anything, but truth and real growth.

I have to admit hands-down those were the hardest wars/battles of the mind, choosing not to believe something because it can’t be real, it couldn’t be real, there’s no way that it could ~ that if you hold the assumption up against the light; put it to your heart and then hold it to your chest and then think how does this thought apply to anything that I know outside of my mind?

Yes, I have been fiercely fighting those battles for years, but in a strong way, a deep down and dirty painful sort of suffering the whole way through. Nothing like the fierce beauty captured in accompanying photo of model, Charity Camacho, by IN Staff Photographer, Jaymz K. Kennedy.) But, I digress…

It is known that Spiritually for one to evolve through pain we have to learn to accept pain without suffering. Internal Narcissus believes that we cannot get to that point without suffering through the pain and burning it clear out of our atmosphere.

I fought to overcome fear in the most grueling ways, but just when you think you have got it beat, you can or may be taken off track. No matter what something will hit you out of the blue, so how do we prepare for an unknown?

Well, I’m still processing this and there is much to process. Trying to grow up at 46 years old is truly the hardest things I have ever done. I’ve been awaken-ish my whole life. With the final awakening given by spirit starting December 2012 before the birth of Internal Narcissus that is the download of my blogs that became my book three years ago this March.

I am ever so thankful, for God’s hand on me, for it is the only thing that’s allowed me to see enough, so I could feel enough to know better.

There is one thing that I do know more than anything and that it is time to relax, to try to slow down, to stop trying so hard to understand. To not take everything so seriously. I’m way to hard on myself when I feel I failed others.

I’m not sure why I hold myself to such a high esteem when it comes to dealing with being a human being then forgetting I’m human only to feel the pain so sharp again when I stumble and fall.

Having to take faith in that I am a human trying when I am feeling, so amazingly small and insignificant. I’m in my third year of research in transpersonal psychology, I am a spiritual author, blogger, and podcast producer, by the grace of God himself. A poet by my own hearts intention since I was a teenager, too.

I am an artist, I am emotional, I am empath; I am a female that thought it was weak to be a female, so chose to be strong like a man. I don’t like to be told what to do, I prefer to be asked. Anyone who knows me well knows I’m a sucker for manners, I hate it when people have the wrong idea of who I am or perceptions of me.

I do not like to explain myself, and I truly do believe that people can read my mind and know my exact placement. That’s the one the cracks me up, because it’s so not true. I’ve learned that if I want someone to understand me I have to take the time to explain myself; this one doesn’t weigh so lightly on me, for I am never-ever one to explain myself to anyone. I thought I did not need to, I was proud and pretentious, but it was all an affront to keep people from seeing how much pain I was in.

I never let anyone know when I was hurt, and I always always tried to fix everything on my own, so I would not bother or hurt anyone else. Feeling that my mistakes were nobody else’s problem and never reached out.

I cannot put my finger on any one of the “mental things” that I know about myself that makes me, me. That’s why I do not call myself anything, and I will not label myself anything. The only thing that I refer to in the resource of my truest and most deepest ideas of who we are and where we come from is mental-health.

To me there is only light and dark and fear and love. I do not like the branding of names to separate mental illnesses. I believe every human is beautiful and good to begin with, and it is what happens to us along the way and the tools that we created along the way to help us that define where we end up; more importantly how we become caught in the middle of our own trappings.

I like to be esoteric when I think about the mind, for I feel it is abstract and immortal, so to tell it that it has a sickness called by name would only drop it even further away form its truth which is to free itself from fear to Shine Bright. Believing that we can trace how we react to things in each instance in the NOW ~ all the way back to something buried under something until we can make peace with it to let it go.

So…in 2015 ~ I intend to fight for my mental health and stamina of holding myself in real-time placement with a fierceness that I have never approached before. One full of feminine strength and motherly beauty. I intend to tap the resources of Mother Earth, Sister Moon, and every river, lake, and ocean.

I will find my way through the sea of intense with steady forward strokes to the left then right in my canoe of body while trying to balance the feminine and masculine within me which has never been my strong point.

I suppose 2016 will be the year I fight to reclaim the female side of me that I buried because I thought it was weak. I talk about this in my blog, Grace, and there are many things I have written on my feelings around this subject, and ultimate goal ~ to become a woman full of Grace, and oh so much harder than said, but I grind on this daily.

Also, I am back at my studies through Sophia University, and intend to write my second book very soon. I have some ideas on how to finish some of Freud’s work that are pretty conclusive regrading the Odepedian complex, but have not shared. All in due time though, for we grow slow at, Internal Narcissus and I’ve only just woke up to put my feet in this planet again, and am ready to soak them into the ground breaking water of earth-time life.

Internal Narcissus at Heart, Kellie J, Wright ❤️

PS ~ I want to thank my twin flame and true love, for being who he is which allows a perfect mirror of reflection along with his no holds bare of telling me exactly what he thinks he sees in my dark. I always take it with: deep meditation, lots of water work, and deep mental excavations to get one step closer to the free in me as a unattached and totally available source to the divine. That is of course after I have lost my mind to fear and said things I wished I had not and lost complete sense of myself. Life is a journey and having your twin flame around is one of the hardest gifts, God has ever bestowed upon me. #onelifeonechance

Affirm

Dec 21, 2015

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“Into the darkest part of my heart I leapt ~ right into the spiral of life, for their was nothing to fear with God as my truth and love as my vicar in flight.”
Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus

This is a post to affirm to the universe as self that all of the soul work done with my twin flame is as it ever should be. God has a plan bigger than we can ever conceive and it is less painful the more we surrender, but I assure you that we cannot get to this final surrender without walking barefoot, shell shocked, and naked through the flames of eternity. Where in a final bending the branding of truth and resurrection of future-self washes clean these final distinctions.

This is not a private club, no not at all, open to all whom hear the call and with tireless perseverance carry on no matter what it looks like on the outside. A benevolent gift to those who seek to live life in the NOW. I promise that if ventured with total surrender that all will find their way to and through their selves back home.

Beauteous and outrageous are the ways that I have grown outside any of my original knowing and boxes of conclusions. More than I could ever have conceived, yet here I stand before you in a place that I was completely sure that I had lost faith in along the way, maybe even in that it ever existed, but the heart knew better. Flagged in gratitude and with much clearer vision ~ I know that we can win the war waged by fear and pain against our mortal minds to loosen the edges of our contentions to finally let go and let freedom ring.

And so it is ~ I have a lot to let sink in and to wade through in my transformations, so although I am eager to share, I will always elect to take the this time to grow slow because I know no other way. I am 100% spirit led and never rush ahead of myself. This is how “we do” at Internal Narcissus.

My life is in complete happiness right now, and I am taking the rest of this year to let the love with my love/twin flame and our families settle in and bind with my Internal and Cosmic DNA.

Comfortably, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart

PS I still have much meditating and work to process regarding my twin flame and the past life soul work we both processed, and will share as it is given. ~ I do know this one thing though, and that is that my personal journey and calling have become more clear and ever present. I pray you will continue to support me on my journey, yours too, as we are all one. In the new year look for new blogs, a new radio podcast, and personal retreats with me as a spiritual-travel guide to self. Life, Light, and Love. <3