Are you I.N.? Join the conversation. Be an Internal Narcissus and let us know how you are loving yourself.
Post your comments. Agree or disagree with what is said. Be a part of this new community of self love.
Dear Inner Circle,
When we touch the Earth, we take refuge in it. We receive its solid and inclusive energy. The Earth embraces us and helps us transform our ignorance, suffering, and despair. Wherever we are, we can bow down to receive its energy of stability and fearlessness. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
I read this quote, and these words came today:
To touch the Earth is to feel grace in the form of a love story built to circle the ages. Creator and Mother Earth commingling to give us Gaia (Gaia: the breath needed to embody matter and cosmic energy) as Mana. (Mana: a generalized, supernatural force or power, which may be concentrated in objects or persons). Or, I feel, truth as sustenance in the mental make up of Matter.
1.the substance or substances of which any physical object consists or is composed:
the matter of which the earth is made.
2.physical or corporeal substance in general, whether solid, liquid, or gaseous, especially as distinguished from incorporeal substance, as spirit or mind, or from qualities, actions, and the like.
3.something that occupies space.
4. a particular kind of substance: coloring matter.
5. a situation, state, affair, or business: a trivial matter.
Dark Matter (a hypothetical form of matter invisible to electromagnetic radiation, postulated to account for gravitational forces observed in the universe) the paternal twin of natural light. God light that swings us around this holy playground in hope that we shall wake and stay again this time.
All of this we cannot exist with or without, so I bow to both in prayer from behind closed eyes and before feet hit the floor in the morning. I call to them throughout the day when I want a form of certain-ness (the only one that I know), and that is to connect continuously through sight, intent, and directed awe. Knowing that I am here in this body, everyday, creating my now.
I am glad I saw this post from my friend, Carole Roth, for breath, life, and love are the most sacred gifts ever given with such love, and truly makes Christmas everyday!
Love, Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle,
I have not recorded a check-in via video for a while. I deleted quite a few while raging through some deluges, and so I LOL. Because all of it is fun. I love living…no matter what it looks like on the outside or feels like on the inside. It is an amazing gift to believe, be awake, and conscious!
More importantly, I am feeling the re-forming of continents once shifted underneath skies falling in: words and chords creating harmonies that spill silence in the middle of their inner worlds…It is the rapture of having and not having all at the same time. Mmm….this is going to be powerful, for all of the downloads coming in this recent activation of heart are coming quickly.
If I had more time to be alone with them I might die, so happily ~ instead I am at work all day, so keeping mental notes. If you do not know how this project goes, then this means when forces come as quick as I can connect them then I need to slow down, for it can be overwhelming….and I do, slow down, so to not miss a step or lesson being given ~ thus earned.
These connections are exacting the pieces of the puzzles downloaded from inception, leading to the why and the what and the how of the grail of this whole IN journey….OMGoodness, Intoxicating truths are the best fruits, so please, Stay tuned…with so much Love, Kellie J. Wright
PS I thought that I was going to write a rite of passage blog today, for I went and had a very important one done yesterday. The time and the place and reason happened to coordinate the tattoo of the logo that Michael Guttson and I created for IN, on my body. I am still keeping it private and personal while it heals, and as I am still in school from this final veil opening and that all of this has come full circle. I could not make this up, oh but I will articulate it to the best of natural abilities.
Today’s blog came quick and freestyle, as usual. Video Blog is coming when it does, for I am doing things different this year, as I look for a team to help me make something special to take include and build this project to a next level that will be out of this world electric with all of the bells and whistles, of the technology we have at hand.
Dear Inner Circle,
Facebook page Fourth State post this photo today. I am IN. This is a perfect t-shirt for the almost end to one of the most surely awakened and hand walked ten year cycles of my life! By the way I had no idea what that was until 8 months ago. LOL
And, as I close the end of what turned out to be a long spirit led, four-year journey through mind and time across country and back: looking and seeking to process any awakenings with a deep commitment to sleuth out all ego, fear, and pride in me: I now know what the next steps are. While saying good bye to 2016. I will let that stuff go. Truth is I already did or I could not write this, for that is how this works goes…
BUT….it is my intention to welcome 2017 (add 2+0+1+7 =10 which is a 1) this year of new beginnings to be one where of building a very solid practice, so to be who I came to be each and every day. Remember this changes ~ we change, do not fear change, rather challenge it and love on it. Love on you!
Of course this takes time and patience and practice in itself, as I have more tools then ever to now truthfully do this, I look forward to the next four years joyously. Knowing that the rise and fall is going to happen as surly as the sun and moon ellipse. This is the one thing I have learned about life in the last four years, and is a concrete truth: we rise, we fall, we shift, and always, again and again.
It is how we get up and how we define/chose to qualify the down that allows us to go in further to open up more, or grow IN enabling us to then move. Note to self here: Movement is the matter in the middle of the place where we fell down. We must get up! We must jump up, will you come up with me to the next level?
If there’s anything like a resolution, this might be the closest that I have ever made, for I only believe in now. Oh ya, going to buy this t-shirt, also. As I am creating a vision board to manifest my second bedroom into a meditation and yoga room. I have never done a vision board, but have heard how to do and am excited. Manifesting from the inside out is how I lived and healed the mind of me. Now is time to match the outside with the inside. It all starts one room at a time.
This is a very special birthday gift to me, to honor the 47 years here, next month. God is so good when we let him, and Grace is the Divinity in the Light that we call dark that walks us through everything that finally brings us home.
Love, Kellie J. Wright
PS A special right of passage blog will post tomorrow. And so it is.
Dear Inner Circle,
I am honored to share the first reflection from a client that has graduated the IN 90 Day Spiritual Transformation. Let me preface that the word ‘graduate’ came about because they who worked with me insisted. Insisted that this work was hard and they worked hard in this journey, and a rite of passage is in order to honor their work and accomplishments. I listened, so us 5 women (two that are in their 2nd 90 day transformations) will meet to do just that end of next month.
I am overwhelmed with awe and excited to plan a day with them. A day to honor all of our hard work, building of tribe. Recognizing we did it slowly, with personal attention, and on individual terms. This was their journey, I am merely their guide.
Gushingly, more to be revealed at a later time, for first, with excitement and great honor, below is the first mirror of my process. It is copied and paste from her page, but the link to her page is at the bottom of the post. Love, Kellie J ~
What a 90 Day Spiritual Transformation Taught Me
November 10, 2016 in Commentaries
“Before the truth can set you free, you need to recognize which lie is holding you hostage.” Rachel Wolchin
We are all storytellers. We tell ourselves stories every day. We believe these stories so much, they become our life and identity.
Stories are based on our comprehension of the world around us, filtered with our own kaleidoscope of understanding. Much of this understanding is solidified before we reach adulthood. We make life decisions with understandings forged at tender and undeveloped ages.
Kellie of the Internal Narcissus curated a 13-week experience to explore the intent behind these stories. She helps question the boundaries and triggers that make up one’s life. Kellie’s philosophy revolves around being in “real-time”, living with intention, and dealing with fear so one can speak and live ones truth. In essence, these 90 days were spent working on emotional intelligence. I was blessed to participate in her course this fall.
The process was insightful, yet uncomfortable at times. Self-observation is eerie. I do not like feeling vulnerable. Treating myself kindly became a mantra. Kellie encouraged me to regard myself as a friend and defend myself like I would others. Self-care was imperative: sleep, yoga, meditation, healthy food, no alcohol.
The Logistics: I was not in a cave meditating for 90 days (that sounds like quite an experience, but this was not that). I “met” with Kellie over the telephone twice a week. The first session was at the beginning of the week to review the week’s topic. The rest of the week was living with the material. I journaled, meditated, re-read the chapter in the book, generally processing the material. At the end of the week, we met for the second session to clarify and review observations. We used Evernote to communicate with general check-ins and record thoughts/communication. It was both intense and fun.
There are layers to awakening. One needs to be ready for each step and to live life (no hiding behind bad habits or defenses). This process involves asking for what one wants and then be open to receiving what you asked for graciously. This is growth, the honoring of ones intentions and accepting with grace. Open-mindedness was imperative.
The topics varied from psychological, spiritual, and philosophical. All topics were relational. We are in relationship with everything and we are the constant in every relationship. An example of one topic was asking, “When all reason leaves, what happens? Who am I in the storm?”. The answer may surprise and shock you.
An amazing number of synchronicities occurred during this transformation period. Reoccurring themes of change, revelation, and vivid, crazy dreams furthered the process. Quotes found their way to me that confirmed that week’s topic, friends and acquaintances would bring up topics related to the work, meditations were transcendent. These confirmations were of a mystical nature. I am a creative person, but I do have the imagination to create the experiences. The phrase “I can’t make this up” was used often during my sessions with Kellie. The Universe was talking and I was listening.
Leonardo da Vinci was correct when he said, “Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else.”
A few of my insights (my personal journey):
A person’s response tells so much more about them and less about me.
Something can be personal without having to take it personally.
Regret is when one does NOT push through the moment of uncomfortable.
I live by a story and I have to accept my role in it. I have the power to change my story.
Society is never satisfied. It is a fickle and disapproving group, no matter how many gold stars one may have.
I do not have to defend myself to the world.
I am resilient; I am stronger than I know, and I am a whole person even in a dark place.
I found this transformation process was about showing up and doing the work. It was about showing up to live life.
The lasting effects include an innate calmness, a sense of self, and a strong sense of ownership over my life.
During these 90 days I was open to new opportunities. I tried Reiki for the first time. Afterward I felt radiant, physically light and humming. I attend two Tibetan Bowl sessions. It was like a great symphony, with harmony and crescendo and tension. I tried several new recipes. New opportunities presented themselves, and I said “Yes!”.
This was my journey. I am still learning and growth. I am excited for you to have your journey. We are creating our lives with these stories we tell ourselves.
“You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.” Jennifer J Freeman
“A true sign of self-worth is to participate fully in own existence, never shrinking away and judging yourself.” Depok Chopra
“Speaking your truth isn’t about purposefully hurting someone. It’s about intentionally caring for you.” Amy E. Smith
“Above all things is love. Listen to the truth inside you. The Universe loves you, seeks you, creates the through you. Say yes!” Kathy Price
Books that aided my journey:
Internal Narcissus: A Spiritual Transformation
Animal Speak: The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great & Small
Medicine Cards & Book
ExistFLUX always, B
I just finished reading this posts in edit, and started to cry, for today when I read the words “Books that aided my journey:” and Internal Narcissus: A Spiritual Transformation” was the first one used in this process, reality hit. God is so good.
Please reach out to me if you have questions, or have any for this amazing woman who shared here. Below is the link to her page. I never met this woman before either, she is a referral from a fitness coach, client. Someone who had never heard of me, or my work and living and growing out loud journey.
Love, Kellie J ~
Dear INner Circle,
This year has been one of reckoning with self, a breaking of cycles, and diving back IN to look at unwanted actions, or reactions, so to plot out the dark in me. I had to meet her where she stood, most assuredly not a child anymore, rather a full grown woman more sure of who she was. I met her face-to-face in the now of each happening, and as fate would have it, each time we greeted one another it was, blessedly on more peaceful terms.
Finding joy in each others company because I no longer beat the hell out of her like I used too. No more shaming mistakes in private from behind closed doors in our inner sanctum where only we exist. No, we had become friends in this journey, and even learned to laugh and comfort each other in our misunderstanding’s of how we became. The Janus of our coin, the process of refinement through fire. A forging of past and present into one as we mentally dueled and danced then conceded to balance.
The works processed in the last 4 years had created a woman more at ease with life, and so the same happened in the one-off dark happenings when they arose, and they did because they had too. Make no mistake, this is as dark as it gets, for seven deadly sins work is no joking matter; it is tribal, ritual, celestial. Freewill dressed in longing disguised as want in the form of need. I won, yet at a cost, but one I am gladly recovering from, no matter. Left feeling frail and empty at times, overwhelmed and withdrawn at others. I liken it to a spiritual concussion of multi proportions. All my doing though, for I walked sometimes ran head-on, until I hit the last door of me, literally.
Cocooned, still recovering from myself: self pity, self judgement, self adoration, self denying, self indulgence, self covering, self wonderment, self understanding, and self surrender. Other times amazed at self: self love, self confidence, self control, self worth, self preservation, and self acceptance. All to become selfless, so to be selflessness, not for me, but to be…free.
Through eyes wide shut and open this work has shown time and time again that we can only meet another as far as we have met ourselves, and that who we are with ourselves (whether we know it or not, both good and bad) is who and how we are with another, always ~ I am…I am another..Get it. 😉
Also that we do not see ourselves, no matter how much we think we do, and that we do not know ourselves until we do. Learning to listen is imperative, learning to accept others as they are and to be with them when they are being who they are, too. This is the precipice of the work in a nutshell: if we are not listening to or accepting others in this fashion then we are not doing it, for ourself either. Advice ~ listen further.
Enigmatically do not fool yourself, rather be foolish to find this out. Take a chance to be the Echo in your mirror of illusion. The one that concocts you as you are right now. Stepping through the glass is how we break the darkness. We do not need to fall down a hole to seek the light begging us to feel through every situation to hatch the solstice of our soul. We just have to know we can look for it, our soul.
I still cannot believe I am home and still have no idea exactly who I am because I get to decide. The newness of 2017 is just starting to come sparkling IN/and through. I see there is much wonderment and many revelations to come, but I am not totally in my flow right now, I am tired. A nubile, strong, rosebud blooming slowly in the cold grace of winter. Steadily while clinging to the assimilations and upgrades earned in awareness. Still clutching to the arsenal of tools hard fought for and won. Content that this is the way that I designed my life to be. It is so clear now when looking back at the millions of steps and many roads, thankfully, taken. Never more secure in the belief that if we become who we came to be then, I am.
Internal Narcissus believes self confidence is a hue from the spectrum of love. Put there by creator to lead us backward in mind to find our internal pilot light. The one we came with, but was blown out before we knew. Once found and lit in real time reunites us with spirit to claim our mental health. Where we can create a daily practice to tend its hearth-fire fiercely, so we can shine bright in the hues of our own intentions, and infinity of each new day.
Believing that everything we want to know about ourselves, we already do. The good and the bad, and that if those beliefs consistently lead us to pain, fear, anxiety, and loss that we can know something different. We can decide to wage a personal war against those thoughts that tend the bad feelings, and change the way we feel about ourselves one thought at a time. I know that every person is beautiful and worthy of love, respect, and freedom from emotional abuse because I am too.
Tending this knowledge allows grace, it assures that surely we may never know the why’s, but can direct the moments in our life, so perfectly, that each time we come up for air we will bloom again in the spring after each little death. A daffodil brimming in a mythopoeic constitution of oneness.
1. a bulbous plant, Narcissus pseudonarcissus, of the amaryllis family, having solitary, yellow, nodding flowers that bloom in the spring.
2. (formerly) any plant of the genus Narcissus.
3. clear yellow; canary.
Internal Narcissus wishes there is a way to show all is one, but this journey is a personal journey, no two are alike, so this means you are personally waiting on you to: know it, see it, feel it, meet you. No one can compete with all the banter in your head, or the outside world that is created by you, except you. The answer is always, you, so you must fight for you, and cherish yourself as you would another.
But we can want, oh and we do want, we can dream, oh and we do dream, but until we believe we are worthy of what we want and take steps to create a new dream by telling ourselves a new story…we will not bridge the first steps to be the change we wish to see in ourselves, or change the way we feel about anything, or anybody.
Beautifully this is not new science, but this is taking charge of your perception (something used every millisecond of the day) that you use to interact with self and the world around you.
1. the act or faculty of perceiving, or apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.
2. immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment:
an artist of rare perception.
3. the result or product of perceiving, as distinguished from the act of perceiving; percept.
4. Psychology. a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes while a stimulus is present.
5. Law. the taking into possession of rents, crops, profits, etc.
Understand this is defying work. It defies the reasoning you know and use currently, or parts of it, anyway. It is good to remember that this is not about right or wrong AND dumb or smart. This is heart-level stuff, you are born with it, so it is yourself-stuff. When we accept this then we start to practice not caring to be right or wrong, or perceived as dumb or smart because we know who we are and that God loves us and that we are perfect as we are. We learn to not believe what others think or say about us, but we do listen for glimmers of places we can grow (*note to self: other mirrors – other roses (smile)).
Oh my goodness this is so long, but this post is from the love in my heart, and the love of trying to heal myself, so shamelessly, so to show others that they can too. I love my life the whole way here, but I just did not want to keep being the same as I was forever. I wanted more, and knew that I could, so I started. Working everyday to keep what I have, and keep learning to be the best version of me that I can, so to be better to all. ~ We really are all one.
Thank you so much, if you are reading my words, even if I do not know you the energies find a way, and I am sending love right now. Saying, hey, you got this, and you can do this, you can beat this (whatever it is). You are not alone. I did not plan all of this to come and it is longer than I expected, so will keep in the knowing that it will reach whomever it needs as it did me first.
And so it is, Amen,
Kellie J ~
Dear Inner Circle,
This spirit led 4 year journey is coming to its first right of passage early next year, and we have done amazing things together:
1. Creation of the IN website where blogs started March 13, 2013.
2. IN Radio’s debut at NWCZ Radio in Tacoma WA two months later.
3. invited to my first 90 day transformation April 1, 2014 in WA.
4. Moved to Malibu CA and started a 2nd 90 day transformation.
5. IN Radio moved to LA Talk Radio.
6. Soon after moved to Desert Hot Springs.
7. “Internal Narcissus A Spiritual Transformation” ebook June 2015.
8. A 3rd 90 day transformation started July of 2015.
9. Moved to Big Bear Lake CA.
10. Moved to Bella Vista AR.
11. Moved home to Washington State.
This journey was not possible without the many new friends, old friends, musicians, photographers, people in the spiritual community, recovery community, many mentors, contributors, and God. We have grown so much and made so many wonderful moments together…
All beautifully leading to my calling as a guide for IN 90 day transformations, but am being called to not stop to keep reaching out to create a space for learning, living, and growing. So, how do I/we do this? What does it look like? I have some ideas, but this is about reaching out and including.
Last summer I spoke at the Bentonville Film Festival and I bought a T-Shirt with a thought bubble that had the word “include” inside it. and it has stuck with me, and is the theme for 2017 at IN, too. Please I would like to hear any feedback from my IN family, friends, or followers. Post here, or in a private message to let me know what you liked best about this project or what you did not like at all. What you like to see again, or brand new.
IN is a circle and we did this ~ all of us, and it is time to take this project of self love and awakening to the next level. All ideas are welcome, and one cannot dream too big, so let me know what comes from the heart, what comes up at all, so we can all Shine Bright again, and together!
Love, Kellie J. Wright
Thoughts that came this morning….way too early in the morning. 🙂
Dear INner Circle,
I was just thinking that people truly just want to be happy, and remembering that I came to this conclusion as a young girl upon realizing a lot of people were not happy in the world, but I knew they/we could be if we loved ourselves first and foremost as we are. That this “loving self” thing was being done wrong. It starts deep inside….inside-out we must love ourselves. That there had to be a way we could adjust our lives to live this birth right.
Feeling the happiness from people in moments when they were connecting in real-time beautifully with those they loved. Could see them shinning bright in the hues of their own intentions when feeling safe and protected from the world. I knew there has to be a way to make this all day, and that a lot of people did not know they have or even affect their own hues. Many, including me too at times, were only walking around in a body that was feeling from the outside-in and hardened by accompanied triggered reactions.
Wow, I guess this is where I am heading with this post today, and that is that I believe any feeling that is accompanied by a reaction to high or too low (until all past happenings in life are understood in the here and now) should be questioned, looked at, pondered, and studied to find out the moment it time that it became an agreement (Please read The Four Agreements). An agreement to rush in or deflect (for both mean something deeper), and when we do this we will start to change somethings that became a part of who we are when things were not so clear, and we did not have the tools to understand what was going on. Then we can decide if the agreement/s still serves us, and if we want to keep them, or let them go.
Believing that we are a series of agreements (life sequences) being played over again and again in the movie of our life. Led by a script provided by many people and situations that happened along this long and winding road in life that has been executed by inner child, ego, fear, and pride until the moment we chose otherwise, and start to make peace within. Our lives need caretakers, and we are them, no one other than you can change or sway your mind. It is ever so true that we can at any time decide in the here and now to go in one step at a time to poke around our mind to meet ourselves as we have been, and became then slowly change the way we feel about everything in our lives.
With peace and precision give the script of your life a love over (my words for editing) to reshape the leading character of your life, and that is you. It is with great enthusiasm that today I hope you will, as I do too, think about your thoughts and reactions to let them point you to new wonders and new why’s on how to process and create the peace within needed to create and sustain a new awakening to self in your now that is your life.
We are the lead in our life and not a captive participant. We can change our life with God’s help and the power of Love any time we so choose, if we work very hard and never give up ~ no matter what it looks like on the outside.
Words that came over coffee this morning with Freyja Ann and my Christmas Tree. Love, Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle: I wrote a blog to post on November 25, 2016, but it would not send from the site for it is under construction. I did not fight the block rather went along with it. Which brought me here. ~ Curiously up for air much sooner than expected because on December 9, 2016 I found the final key to turn bringing this last 4 year journey to fruition. Phase I complete and Phase II promising prolific and explicit interactions.
The inner work processed this month caused the last leaf to fall causing full exposure on last negative aspects of self that were arising now and again. To walk into this darkness hands down is the only way through, so I did ~ again and again because we can only see what we are prepared to know, and to know these realities takes precision and time to access. The quests are painstaking, but well rewarded when one can change their behavior to thus forth change the way they interact with their thoughts and life.
More than I could ever explain has changed, and I am most surely not who I once was, so this is why everything else must change too: And so it is. All my work will offload to achieving, so I can real time everything. Gladly, and most excitedly ~ I am ready to jump back in planting both feet deeply into the ground while standing straight up, for the first time in a very long time, and it feels, so very good.
Always, Kellie ~
This is the post meant to be sent but did not.
Dear INner Circle,
My little family and I have been home in Washington state since July 2016, and I have worked every month as assigned in corresponding chakras. July was Root, August was Sacral, September was Solar Plexus, October was Heart, November is still Throat, and next month I begin work in Third Eye. I have always worked with third eye, but never in the way I am being shown now. Silence and meditation will be the strong holds of my December. In certain dharmic spiritual traditions such as Hinduism, the third eye refers to the ajna, or brow, chakra. In Theosophy it is related to the pineal gland. The third eye refers to the gate that leads to inner realms and spaces of higher consciousness. More info at this link https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_eye
Where I am is home with my immediate families ~ settled into a lovely little home in the middle of a state park on spiritual land by a powerful river located in a quiet little town adjacent to my favorite mountain. We have cows, horses, chickens, dogs, cats, and parrots. Old ravens, hawks, falcons, eagles, deer, elk, bobcats, bear, rabbits, humming birds, gray doves, blue jays, and many other of God’s beautiful creations. Still taking life very slowly to unwind one step at a time from this very long transpersonal/transformational journey, and guiding others on theirs. Five amazing women have graduated the IN 90 day transformation, and we are all very much stronger and self aware from the work done together, for it is a circle, and we are building a tribe.
Admitting that life has been tough at times while processing old memories and pieces of past that flood my dreams and mind as they do, and when they do, so often without rhyme, reason, or invitation; but all a part of this nine ending year, so a needed part of the process. If at any time I feel anxious trying to speed things along or up ~ I remember to slow down, way down. Bringing my mind back to real-time to experience life inside each breath taken, and always putting God first.
All social media accounts were deactivated last August, so to listen further while setting the stage for the deeper silence needed to get ready for the power of intention in my third eye chakra work. Also because IN is changing because I did, and we are wondering what next steps are. A resurface will happen when it feels right in the new year of January 2017. Until then letting these wings dry off and feet find rest in the newness of serenity in the hearth of my home ~ which is my crazy, beautiful family and truth-north ~ The Pacific Northwest.
Everyday learning to maintain and use the tools hard fought for in the past four years, of deep inner child work. Recovering quicker each time lightening strikes, and will continue too, for this is how we grow. Oh! ~ I learned something today that made me laugh out loud when processed. It is: Anything that I want, I do not need. This sounds like an easy thing, but can be hard when you are just trying it out ~ becoming easier the more you grow into it, so today gave me a special type of peace. Knowing that God has a plan, and I am getting better at holding his truth and letting go of old fears that pop up as they will until they do not. 🙂
Life is so good when we let it ~
God ‘s in His heaven – All ‘s right with the world! http://www.bartleby.com/101/718.html
Love, Kellie J ~ (and Freyja Ann, Amelia Rose, and Xander Xavier)
Author and Transformation Guide at Internal Narcissus
Today is the day….I feel aligned with my now, and will make conscious the letting go and letting be to feel concurrent. Now is this moment that has just passed becoming the second breath underneath the force that connects us to all. Balanced energy, of love and fear, with intent paralleled in foreverness and forwardness that are all I have, and are the energy that gives life; life that is borrowed and returns to the light night after night and day after day.
I read something in my Critical Thinking class today that hit home. It is about false-starts. That they are needed to get where we are ultimately going, so cannot be there without. Not surprising is that we are actually discussing this in week seven blog, in the 90 day transformation work done this week with clients.
The blog, is called Placement. “Lessons learned are stepping stones paving the pathway for our internal growth.” ~ and how we can only get to where we are going from where we are, one step to the next. That we cannot skip a lesson of intended growth, but will get stuck circling, or stagnating.
Learning of this theory or illusion of false starts settled my whole being because every start I have trusted lately, and or followed has changed. As soon as I accept what I thought, then work comes with feelings to process. Magically once through…BAM! Shift. This Chakra work is defiantly keeping me on my toes.
I thought, I am loosing it, but decided to stay very still instead. Being more quiet then ever to listen further to the backdrop of my mind and everything being presented, so to feel the truth. No thinking, just feeling, for the heart knows better, and I trust it more than anything I ever think. Using the shifts as momentum to turn round and then backwards ~ so to find the right door of exit.
No more seeking, for I am in full surrender to this uncomfortable truth, of false starts that have created a place to forever-more be truth: truth in the compliment of acceptance and laying down of lost to truly be free.
“Concurrent is my new black.” And so it is.
Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart #heartsaresouls
P.S. This is hard, for I have been seeking my entire life…it is the only way through though…I have everthing I need inside me and it will rise and fall as I do. It is time for me to STOP. Huh, I will find this blog to attach in comment below today, for I cannot remember its secrets, but I am feeling I need to read it today. I affirm and accept this alignment. Honoring all that is and ever-shall be. ~ Love yourself like no one is watching are the words I feel. Hmmm…I think I shall. #concurrent #powerfulme #insidejob #nowisthetime #free
Now that she had nothing to lose she was finally free. So she stood up, looked around, and wondered at what all it could be? Sand on the ground, snow in her heart, and beautiful green everywhere ~ made way for assessments in the passing of seasons; two plus years or more it had been.
Licking old wounds, holding heart, and removing the sleep from everything put off. She knew it was time to tap in, root, and decide what she really did want. Oh! and this was a different want, for it was not about people, places, or things. It was a rooting to her body to claim the primal space, for a soul to shine bright and be seen: a magical space of shedding and rebirthing in a place called, Great Mystery.
Every breath taken, every step remembered, looked at, picked up, and turned over ~ was trudged through, for, and not against her, of this she was always sure. Hard knocks to self, spiritual concussions, and deep dark waters all were braved, so to fuel the churning of deeper pools. Wisdoms of this power stored up to give over in a song of redemption that became a tigresses roar. Reuniting self with body, so to never feel alone, again, or evermore.
Circling in the spiral of life, twisting up through its core ~ the upgrade in DNA granted though the sound of one breath connecting us to all. Aye, soft is the belief that in every breath is a sound that works its healing from root to cosmic core. An alignment through Earth Star Chakra to Root that turned out to be, so much more; more than I imagined, and defiantly more than one would expect. Internal Narcissus believes feelings are the Janus in this place where soul doth meet flesh.
Listening further brought through things never revealed, shown, or known of self. These mirrors came with, put in place at the beginning, long ago, maybe even zygote. Lessons stemmed in root, so deep we do not sense the meshing as we start the bumble of slow crawl to first steps, and soar. Too young to know better, too strong to question doubt, oh this place clings till the one day you dare to know more, or find why you are here.
~~~ Big deep breath in, and slow exhale out AND ~ I am still working. I feel home is going to test me in these first three chakras. No, I know this, and am feeling intense third findings of self will be found. Ones etched into each chakra: Root, Sacral, and Solar. Disclosing: I only have ever worked on 4th and 5th chakra, but I digress.
What I did not know, or see coming is that I would not practice Yoga, at all, since I have been home. I feel lonely without it, but I stay the course of my placement. Always following what is presented. This root chakra work, believe it or not, came from watching television (mind you I do not watch TV). Yet, I was invited to watch two television shows with my Aunt. After turning down watching them a few times it became clear to me that I was meant to, so settled IN.
The shows are: Frankie & Gracie and Jane The Virgin. The shows were ruthless. I cried everyday watching all episodes of Frankie & Grace, first. Second, I was uncomfortable in the passions and betrayals of the Novella, Jane The Virgin. However, I allowed myself to go through the gamut of emotions and happenings being presented. Finding different ways to connect and think about my participation in life, self, others, and the world.
About what it means to be human, and in direct relation to relationships. Uncomfortable! Real life stymies me, for I get it, but do not participate in it often enough anymore. Becoming really agitated when people would lie and set one another up on purpose in the Novella. So much to process, so many feelings, and observations, and became an emotional “empathic” mess. Stopping the shows when I could not handle betrayals and misunderstandings…letting emotions wash over me while I railed against them…until finally, yes, FINALLY realizing: I have a hard time feeling what I cannot control. 🙁
These are the questions that came, for me in the first 9 days of root chakra work. They arose from processing what I was not letting myself feel while watching the shows, talking with my aunt, and a download from spirit.
1. Am I conditional (Frankie & Grace)?
2. I think I am still holding on to what I want. Even though I do not know what I want (Frankie & Grace).
3. Its life, you have to experience all of the emotions (my Aunt’s comment while watching me uncomfortably agiatated at the shows).
4. I am the truth inside the lie that was never told. (This is from spirit and I am still working on it).
My answer to question 1. Am I conditional? Yes (not the words I used either), and that realization hurts. Maybe not totally conditional, but down to the minutest strands, yes. I saw where I have created very clear lines, to control the pain of feeling. I would like to believe that this is OK because it protects my sanity, safety, and is a boundary, but on some level I know now this is not right. 🙁
My answer to question 2. I figured out why I think that I am still holding on to what I want. Even though I do not know what I want. Literally. Period. I was hanging onto the ‘want’ down to the last invisible encasings of it. Nothing there except for a clear effervescent bubble. I saw it, so beautiful and light yellow, so it is not that I did not know what I want. The work was to let go of the last lucid holdings of expectations. I thought I had cleared it, but am feeling it right now, yesterday gone, but upon the love over (edit) feel little bits rising in me, so this weekend I will work deeper on root chakra. I hope that makes sense…
This is why I felt that I did not know what I want, but processing and seeing the bubble and the attachment to it keeping me conditional has kept me empty and waiting. Which I believe equals ~ wanting. Yes, they do go hand-in-hand don’t they. Waiting and wanting.
I can honestly say I feel rooted in my physical body, more than ever, and I was wondering if that would be enough. I was told that I have to root myself to the Earth two years ago when I left home. I was suppose to have three energy sessions with my aunt before I left to California. I only had two, and now I know why, or think I do…it would have been insane to root anywhere (I feel) without doing the last two years up until this weekends work.
Well, this is it part I of II Check-IN for last Sunday, July 10, 2016. I will post part II of II Sunday July 17, 2016.
I am sure it is clear now why it is late….there is, so much happening….heavy emotional unwrapping and feeling to be present. Places I usually do not fly…but this is my path, and will not waiver. Please stay with me on this journey, yours too, for we are all one.
Life is the initiation, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart