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Dear Inner Circle,
Are you open or closed? I wonder if you know, for it is not always an easy thing to detect. I will let you in on something…there are layers undetectable, so it is never an easy question to answer. Had thought that I was open many times before in this journey, only to find there were some secret doors that had to be blown off. Masks hidden in letters, words, and rhyme. So we can be half open and half closed, for a very long time before we find the right codes to initiate the big bloom.
Last week I was given a sign that showed me that I am closed. My heart that is, and would not have believed it was. This is why signs are important to my work, and sure enough ~ my heart chakra is closed. The sign gave me the knowledge that it was now time to open my heart back up in this equinox cycle of spring. Not taking this lightly I worked for three days to make sure to find all of the deep parental catches to process with love, deeply.
This 4th 90 day transformation has been so very good to me, for so many reasons. God always gives us what we need attached to what it is we asked. My body changes: no sugar, vegan diet, no caffeine started January 2017 are awesome. I feel amazing, but realizing that my heart was closed when I had no idea it was not ~ was the last message needed to walk this woman soul-free (or so I thought*).
What I have gleaned and tagged as the upmost importance in my journey. Is that through Growing-IN, I, ultimately, Grew-UP. A full fledged woman in complete harmony within her 47 years of being here. Not that I am perfect, no one is, and have no desire to be. I like my dark and my light in equal measures, and this equals bliss.
Just am not interested in being forever anything, but open, free from ego, and ready to live from my heart, in the now, and to assist others who wish to take this journey, if they so choose.
To know thyself is to pay careful attention to what we present ourself daily. What we present ourselves is what we are made of…it is the recipe that builds our reactions and actions that become each and every minute of our day. When I was just running around being who I had became that was different, but now having claimed myself. I stake the land daily, so to be the best version of self that I can. This work takes patience and resolve, so I say:
Present yourself as a King or Queen…treat yourself as your would your best friend. Grow up and into your body that you now realize is your only real home. Internal Narcissus believes this is called real-time, adult, state of grace living. Quantifying that we need to no longer act like little children, for the children of this world need its elders to be centered and present adults. To be their fearless leaders in a world that is dangerous and deceptive. Children should not have to worry about their parents. We must wake up to provide everything they need to grow up and prosper, and at the same time leaving them an Earth better than we found it.
Please know there is a difference from being childlike and acting like a child. Painfully I know this all to well, and it took all four years of this work to earn the vision and gift to see its totality. Having never grown up or had responsibilities that force one to at least half grow up: I was sadly lagging in this area. No matter now, we learn forgiveness for self, and others ‘like there is no tomorrow” on this path.
I raise a call to action to all reading this blog, it is time to wake up and leave the world of innocent and the beauty of youth, for those who are happily, painfully, and exquisitely in its throes. The rest I ask you to wake up and take your place to provide and protect this world together.
Everyday that we resist the call to Grow-IN we deny ourselves the chance to catch up to our body and self in real time. We loose the chance to Grow-UP and shake the disease that is keeping us blocked in fear and living behind walls mortared with ego, fear, and pride.
Questions: What do you present yourself each day? What are your working on to leave your mark? What were you born to do, but cannot until you free your mind from ego by going inside to meet self, first?
Ego will bar people from their dreams. No matter how good we are at the game ~ because in truth there is no game. Action is needed compliancy is stillborn, so what will we have to be presented to wake-up? I lived this waking up process for 4 years, so I know how hard it is to do the presenting, but what would you give to stake your mental constitution in a way you have never perceived before, for you, for your family, and the greater good of all?
Let me know, for I am more than ready to start this conversation.
Kellie J. Wright
Voice of Internal Narcissus
Internal Journeys, Inc.
* P.S. In meditation this morning found that my solar plexus chakra is closed, too. This makes perfect sense, for if I cannot be open in this aspect then I do not have 100% faith in myself. I worked desperately to find my truth in my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd 90 day transformations.
The 1st inner child work and relationship work opened my heart, but it closed back up. Which lead to my 2nd 90 day transformation: centered around moving from mind based thinking to heart based. My third was a paralyzer of twin flame mirror work. All from someone who had never worked with chakras before, or knew what a twin flame was. I did my best, and always tried harder at every fall, and have grown amazingly.
Now in my 4th 90 day transformation it is clear that working to keep all chakras open and flowing is going to be the focus of my daily practices from now on. This is decided, for I will not lose staked ground.
Trust me that when you do start your transformation work, you will wonder what took you so long. I am ever amazed. Assuring you that once started the commitment to find and free your inner truth will give rewards past your expectation’s.
Thinking on my new finds this morning opens a whole new sense of Aha! Of course I have to go back in to open solar plexus. Vividly, and solidly with a claimed inner truth that is new and profound and something I could have never found until now. I will share my work in week 12 check-in! Shine Bright Beauties! Your all you got!
The third chakra is the center of willpower. While the Sacral chakra seeks pleasure and enjoyment, the third chakra is all about the perception of who you are.
OMGoodness ~ I love this work! http://www.chakra-anatomy.com/solar-plexus-chakra.html
Dear Inner Circle,
Chapter Seven, The Self, A Beginner’s Guide to Jungian Psychology is my Shangri-La. I assimilated all of my knowledge from collective conscious and divine interverntion. So reading this book, last quarter, is an exclamation point on my last four years transformational work. I laugh and settle in with a glow that a parent gives a child when they know they have learned something on their own, but that nothing is new.
After many nights of dark shadows in my fourth transformation over the last few months; where I was feeling blocked, stunted, and in a creative funk. This chapter provides the passageway to a place to find comfort and likeness with those who have come before. Where I can make sense of my ups and downs. This is why my heart illuminated two nights ago; breaking free in a peace of mind so close to total comfort that I have not been able to access for any stayed length of time in a while. Alas, this is the journey at this level of work. We truly are all one, and once this path is started there is no desire (for very long) to not continue. It is a oneway ticket to bliss, and one that feels more comfortable on than not.
Inner soul, child, mental work ~ is the best gift in life. Albeit it is dark, tight, and confining at times. It on the other side is the most bright, beautiful, and defining place of love. Learning to love yourself the whole way through and accept your dark and your light is everything. For once we know who we are, we make peace with who we became, we learn to let go of held pain and fear. Insisting that we are fine and feel more comfortable in our wholeness. Ultimately creating less highs and lows in a balance of stability.
After my 3rd 90 day transformation my then boyfriend and I pulled off saving our relationship through twin flame madness. Only to fail and cause each other so much more pain. My heart went to Arkansas with friends to work there and to lick my wounds. It really was the starting stages of the sacred healing part of my journey. Learning to let myself feel and grow through all of the rage, pain, and whatever came up with no shame or judgement. Not letting myself bypass the process, and it became a disheveling of the self through the ages. Freeing stored up energies from my youth forward.
Looking at the three stages of Individuation as I now know them. I see that with knowledge buried deep inside, and the desire to heal on my own through the transformation’s I followed Jung’s path. Eerily too, Internal Narcissus, wow, it still blows my mind. The connection to this book, and chapter seven right now is felt deep in my chest. In the tree of me where I have ripened to its knowledge. Earning another sacred tool to mange and keep my inner alignments in sink with the now.
I am where I should be. In a long line of others that have come before. Trudging and sailing through the inner realms of shadow and light. A life long seeker in an ever expanding universe. One that is still in full expansion. Ever moving, evolving, and so shall and will I, too.
There is no way to sum up the Self, nor to adequately describe all the challenges life presents once one has developed a conscious relationship with the Self. Though through the three separate stages of Shadow, Anima/Animus, and Self, there is only one continuous process – The relationship between consciousness and the Self. ~ Robin Robertson
Your pain does not make up who you are. It does trap you from being who you never become. ~ Kellie J. Wright
Someone close to me said they do not want to do a 90 Day Transformation because they felt all of the pain, rage, fear, and suffering in their life has made them who they are, and some of those things are very fine. Ah, the edge to an edge, I get it.
Ego’s pain, fear, rage, and anxiety does shape and color our personality and thoughts. Making this feeling a very real illusion, and one mixed in equal parts of you. I agree that this is an honest and sincere fear that needs exploring. This is also work that we do in a transformation, so have been here many times before.
There is no doubt that I spent much of my life with regret, envy, and pain. I did not know this when I started, but will honor and pay homage to things that once kept me down. The want’s and could not have’s all piled up in my life locker always stalking and blocking me from the beauty of God and love. What I had put behind that door was heavy. Misunderstandings by a child of divorce heaped upon self blame and not good enough had my little girl convinced that her heart would literally break in two, if and when she should ever confront the loss attached the the assumed pains.
Fortunately one day I had enough ~ at the end of another failed relationship, and in deep contemplation saw I was the only constant in my life and knew there was much more work to be done. A lot more than what I had always done. Luckily I was ready…blessings came! A full pardon in another veil dropped, my eyes opened up for a second time.
The real work began and my life started in earnest. I learned that all the bad things happening off and on in my life was the fear unprocessed kept trapped inside of me from that still little broken child. Everything was fine when I felt in control, but if lighting struck, it was a mini madness session. This kept happening no matter how hard I tried for it not too, or how successful I became. She would come out to wreck havoc when my fear of rejection or abandonment was triggered. It was clockwork. Same patterns, same conditions, same outcomes.
I honestly believe that a 90 day transformation saved my life. It is the fastest and most sincere way to heal inner child, and this is all about liberating the child from the mind. To connect to our real time self in current status. Please do not get me wrong on the outside my life looked fine, managed, and only those close to me knew my intimate suffering. It is so odd to look back and know that it was orchestrated all to protect me from further harm.
So thankful to have woken up from the slumber that kept me trapped. I learned a lot about perception and denial in the last four years of inner child work. Most importantly though…I learned to forgive myself for what I did not know then, to release and let go of persons, places, or things trapped in my mind.
No longer a child anymore, waiting for Daddy to come back and get me, or Mother to open up and share. I had to learn how to self soothe from the center of my soul. Nothing outside of me. Self-worth resides on the inside, and it cannot be given or bought. We have to believe so much in our self-worth that it is an all day, everyday, no matter what the bank account, or title on the car reflects natural occurrence.
Love and Life are a Circle of Bliss, and yes we will change when we let go of our story, but it will be the release of a thousands wingless nights that bound us to our thoughts. In a transformation that lifts and shifts us into a beautiful butterfly. With wings free to soar loosened from the heaviness of our deepest affliction’s.
Kellie J. Wright
Voice of Internal Narcissus
Internal Journeys, Inc.
P.S. If you are reading this…and there is something you would like to transform in your life. Please tell me what it is, so then we can start a conversation in real. I have three more spots left for the spring 2017 course. Another course is starting October 2017.
Please know that I only work with four clients at a time because this is private, personal, and deep processing work. Learning to love yourself, so you can love others is journey. It is a quest for knowledge, and how we learn to grow. I sacredly honor each journey as if it were my own.
Dear INner Circle,
Total truth is necessary. You must live by what you say. ~ Neem Karoli Baba ❤
I was living up in Big Bear Lake, CA a while back. This was shortly after my 3rd 90 Day Transformation. My HR manager and I became friends, and had good conversations with each other. At one point she asked me a question that I answered, but where she was going with what I said made me stop her by interrupting ~ to let her know that’s not what I meant.
She reminded me that it is my job to take the time to say what I mean. This was a big learning curve for me because I use too many words. A poet, writer, deep thinker, and lover of words that tends to elaborate. This Aha! moment made something very clear to me, and ultimately more important; I had to take responsibility to know what I mean and am saying.
This became a big part of my growing up. Taking time to think before I speak. Making sure to clarify afterwards. Spending time with me to learn and know who I am, so I can be that person fearlessly. Words are powerful and if not used right can lead people to many different conclusions.
Right or wrong this happens to many of us, and most people will never take the time to explain what they thought they heard, either. Causing deep channels in many unseen ways. So, go slow, be careful, and take the responsibility to mean and then speak with words that are YOU.
Never be afraid to speak your truth. Communication is what we are given as our number one tool in this life. It is more important for us to know our truth, and speak what we believe then worry about the outcome. If we are speaking our truth then the outcome will lead us in the right direction not off twisting in unknown swells.
Love, Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle,
I recently found out that reply emails from the blog posts were not reaching me. Something happened in an update, and unfortunately do not know how long this was going on. I apologize to anyone who wrote an email and never received a reply, it hurts me to think of this. Please know the problem is resolved, and reach out again, for you are not alone.
All my very best,
I am honored to offer a 90 Day Transformation to a spirit led connection. This is a pay-it-forward angel funding.
“The realm of possibity exists inside each of you.” Quote from The movie, Pay it Forward
To be considered for this 13 week one-on-one coaching please reply back to this email with an answer to this question:
If you could transform one thing in your life what would it be, and why?
Kellie J. Wright
Internal Journeys, Inc.
“I believe in your self worth.”
Quote from Pay It Forward:
Trevor McKenney: I think some people are too scared, or something. I guess it’s hard for people who are so used to things the way they are – even if they’re bad – to change. ‘Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses.
Quote from two time graduate of inner-self work though guided 90 day transformations:
“I want to take this opportunity to encourage all who feel called to be a better version of themselves- to take the first step in living an authentic life and transform your INner you.”
Dear Inner Circle,
Download on February 24, 2017
Today is the day that I stop. No more seeking I am found. My heart center is open I have read my mind, and it says free from fear. I understand how to tame negative thoughts, if they try to come, and I am able to stay centered in the calm of my own circumference. I love openly and truthfully. If anyone can affect me it is someone that I love/d and there is room for growth there, so will open up in surrender to any that shall surface.
Dear God, I surrender to all of your beautiful mercy, and all of the ultimate oneness that is the universe. I surrender to you, God, I believe you. I trust you, you speak to me and I hear you, and that is all that is needed. I pray for the light of all to shine from deep within, and to know you in silence and its healing components. It is true that I do not know, or, understand how all of this works when I pray, but know that it is where I find peace and solace. A communion with the universe that gives a deep sense of wholeness. I am sure that the prayers of others has helped me along the way, so will pay-it-forward in continuing to pray for all, and asking to be closer to you everyday.
Love, Kellie J ~
Through every generation of the human race there has been a constant war, a war with fear. Those who have the courage to conquer it are made free and those who are conquered by it are made to suffer until they have the courage to defeat it, or death takes them. ~ Alexander The Great
Dear Inner Circle,
Internal Narcissus is about learning to love yourself, so you can love others. It is about conquering fear. No one can conquer your fear for you. It is an inside job. Some live in constant fear, others have trained it to come and visit when they have time to play with it, or fend it off. Yet there are others who walk around thinking they have none. They are fearless, and unafraid. This is the most dangerous, and I should know, for I was one of them. Hard found work, but is my truth and thankful to have found at all.
Our minds would have us trapped in fear for then we cannot shine bright in the light of our heart centers. Our minds and hearts are connected. For they are in tandem, and this is how we speak to ourselves and to others. Until we free our minds from fears and negativity toward ourselves and others ~ we will never truly harness the full potential of the sun (son).
Remember that there is only one you, and you are your most prized possession. It is never another. If you are not “here” or truly present then you can be neither. You can love nothing or no one truly. It will only be in half-measures. Think about it…everything you want you already have, and it is deep inside of you. You were born with everything you need to live a life you love, and to love another and others without fear. It does take work to remember these gifts. ~ Lest you believe this it will haunt you in ways known or unknown keeping self trapped in a version of you that has sadly became comfortable.
This is why they are called veils. Veils are tricky, for we can kind of see, but cannot see through totally. Creating illusions. Creating barriers and walls. These walls keep others from us, truly, so we are only ever able to offer parts of ourselves. Usually the parts we like, keeping the pieces we do like hidden for as long as we can behind our veils, or so we think (this is the trickiest part).
And why we cannot wait for someone to take our pain away, to save, and or heal us. It is too much of a heavy burden to put on another, and time consuming to try to tend out of sight. Most often we do not know we are carrying these blinders, so we blame other persons, places, and things outside of us (damn veils).
Regardless it is only you that knows your mind and heart, and only you can change your mind, so it is entirely up to you. I guess the question being begged is:
Do you want to behold your life and live it as a gift, or do you want to sit on it as a ride being held prisoner? Navigating the waves of emotional ups and downs on a roller coaster that shifts with every action or reaction from self and others?” It will be which ever you choose, so choose well. And trust yourself to be wherever you are, own where you are without being a burden to anyone else. Being honest about who you are and where you are in your journey, and watch windows of compassion form in harmonizing communication.
This is my call to action, for those that can hear the whispers from deep inside their fortress. Life is what we think-it, and what we hear is us thinking. Until the one day we decide to question our thoughts. Question our likes and dislikes, our deal breakers, or have to be’s and definitely not’s….this is questioning your veils.
My past life was one stuck in false grander, fantasies, and illusions. An unmovable statue of self that had taken years to create having walked through life defiant. Bruised and carrying scars deeper than perceived from childhood and forward until I turned 43. Totally disconnected from reality, unable to love because I did not know that I did not love me, yet. I had not met me yet, either. Only the protected version of me that kept my life in the trappings of not who I wanted to be anymore.
Remember that on any given day we can decide to look for who we came to be. I learned to not run from happenings, but to embrace them. Knowing that one day with patience, persistence, and the purest honesty a reclaiming and acceptance of my life would manifest something good. Oh and did it ~ with the dropping of the cleverest veil of all. The one blocking me by me. The mental bars that had been holding this caveat captive banished while another rose bloomed in the garden of life.
Make no mistake this is an internal war, but also know it is nothing that you cannot handle. Heck you walked that road. Even paved it with your blood, sweat and tears. Making the turn to go all the way back and take a look around inside is everyone’s destiny. Upgrading old coping mechanisms into a new set of mental tools used to calm and soothe self when lightning strikes. Deciding to love and not to fear when life happens. This is what it is to come alive.
Awaken to your authentic self and truest potential. One day, one moment, and one breath at a time. Loosen your wings to steady yourself taking baby steps, so to honor and respect the art and unfolding of a life-journey. While honoring every maddening, exquisite, beautiful, heart-wrenching step taken because it is your’s.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye
shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh
findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Love, Kellie J. Wright ~
Voice at IN
Once you concur fear I promise you will conquer death. ~ Quote from the movie Alexander
Journal Entry Free Thinking on Love and Freud:
Dear Inner Circle,
I am happy that I will never hurt anyone again through the circling of repetition. When we have not done our internal work and mirrors are seeking mirrors for lessons of the tend and grow kind, we do hurt one another. Pain is real if it is felt, and this matters whether self inflicted or not. Even though all lessons are intended for growth and we do grow through them as best we can, and are meant. I do not believe there has to be anything in our world that we do not want, so if we do our inner child work before we enter into relationships with others, we will attract another who has done there inner child work too.
Likeness attracts to likeness:
In summary similarity-attraction theory attempts to explain and predict interpersonal liking by asserting that people are attracted to others who are similar to themselves. Consistent with this view, research has revealed that people prefer to affiliate with those who share similar attitudes, personalities, physical attributes, and a host of other characteristics compared to others who do not. Though similarity/attraction theory explains many cases of interpersonal attraction, it may not accurately predict all attraction outcomes. In some cases complementarity or avoidance of dissimilar others may better explain certain patterns of human liking. http://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/applied-and-social-sciences-magazines/similarityattraction-theory
This is why we must slow down and get to know ourselves, and get to know another before we jump into bed, give our hand, or our heart away. Make promises that we are not even sure we can keep yet, or give over the keys to our foundation.
It must be true that if likeness attracts likeness then we are attracting the good and the bad in ourselves. The light and the dark we know, or do not yet, and we pull others to us as mirrors of self (to break through). This is because we cannot see ourselves, or have not learned to yet. And all of this is OK, if we we are doing the best we can until we know and do better. Getting to a place where we can understand ourselves, and know that we are only as good as the tools in our mental toolbox is the starting point. We need this set of tools to help us as we guide ourselves through the tearing down and rebuilding of self.
What happens when we are wandering around out on the social plain of life “not knowing” and “unaware” of these situations and maladies? The dark pains we carry, or the lighter shades in how we “take things on” or “take things in” become how we communicate. So, if we do not understand the “why” of our actions then we shame and blame self, and, or others. Continuing to be the scared or harmed person inside of us that is driving our reality. Thus we will unintentional continue to harm self, and others.
Repetition by Freud is a prime example of this: Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event, or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again. This “re-living” can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and even hallucination. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion
This is the best part though, because once we can face our self the real work begins, the light starts to shine through, and we learn that who we came to be is not always who we are. Sadly most will never make this turn, for the fear of it is dangerously the darkest block. The dark night, or nights of the soul surely do not sound like a place that I wanted to visit, and so much that refused to believe in them. LOL ~ Oh thank, God, that I was wrong.
The tools earned are now safely at my side, and in reach as a mental arsenal of balanced fear and love. Along with a plaque on the cave of my heart that says “I know who I was before I became who I am.” Self actualization causes us to be self aware, and these are the sets of knowledges that are the gold and jewels in the crown of self-love. This gift leads to enlightenment, and to not repeating the same stories.
Not to say there won’t be a time when I let someone down, for we can only know ourselves as much as we have healed, and we can never know another truly, but am more honest and sure of this world than have ever been before. The crown of my chakra not blocked by looking for things outside of me to complete me. Unarmed and able to self soothe. Not seeking the affection of another as a primary goal, or concern ~ is everything. You gain yourself in this quest, and real-love will bloom. Just now within the precision and care expected when it comes to the beauty and fragility of a human heart, for hearts are souls.
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” ― Thich Nhat Hah
Love, Kellie J. Wright
Voice and Author at Internal Narcissus
Living and growing out loud a 4 year transformation journey that gave me, me.
Transformation Guide at Internal Journeys
It is impossible to know another’s heart, so we must work to learn and know our own. ~ Kellie J. Wright
Internal Journeys are personal. They are a contract between you and creator: to learn and behold the beauty that you came from which glows and wisps inside of every corner and circle of you. I can honestly say that I have grown into a woman that is more beautiful than ever could have dreamt. Self tested and made to reason all negative energies from the minutest to the most explosive is how to achieve this state of grace. Grown to be a test, is what this has come to mean to me.
Believing that I passed, but life is a long walk home, so am gearing up to be what is most paramount.
No longer a girl in a woman’s body. No longer a loner feebly misunderstanding herself. No longer trapped in self underpinnings of doubt and not good enough. No, IN this moment I stand processed and refined through strength and might of the three graces, and more importantly, 4 years of taking full-responsibility of hand-walking myself to every happening in my life.
The good, bad, and the ugly.
Blessed be that each day is filled with more acceptance and truth than imaginable. I am content. I am good. I am ready for all that this world and I create, and know how to weather the storms of “my still getting used to upgrades and shifts” in knowledge to DNA that are revitalizing my mind, body, and heart.
Believing hearts are souls that need freed to come alive. I learned the strength to never again give away my personal power.
That power is reserved expressly, for God, the planet, and the service of others. It is not to say that I do not look forward to finding another like minded person to share my space, for I do ~ oneway, and someday. Just not at the top of my priorities anymore…and it is so good to know why.
Kellie J. Wright
Transformation Guide at
IN the middle of my 4th 90 Day Transformation…that keeps growing better every day. Knowing that this is finally the sealing in process. The building of a practice, part of the journey, to lead and live life each day and night as it is gifted. And so it is.
PS Always remember that if you Love Life, it will love you back harder.