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Veils and You

Feb 21, 2017

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Through every generation of the human race there has been a constant war, a war with fear. Those who have the courage to conquer it are made free and those who are conquered by it are made to suffer until they have the courage to defeat it, or death takes them. ~ Alexander The Great

Dear Inner Circle,

Internal Narcissus is about learning to love yourself, so you can love others. It is about conquering fear. No one can conquer your fear for you. It is an inside job. Some live in constant fear, others have trained it to come and visit when they have time to play with it, or fend it off. Yet there are others who walk around thinking they have none. They are fearless, and unafraid. This is the most dangerous, and I should know, for I was one of them. Hard found work, but is my truth and thankful to have found at all.

Our minds would have us trapped in fear for then we cannot shine bright in the light of our heart centers. Our minds and hearts are connected. For they are in tandem, and this is how we speak to ourselves and to others. Until we free our minds from fears and negativity toward ourselves and others ~ we will never truly harness the full potential of the sun (son).

Remember that there is only one you, and you are your most prized possession. It is never another. If you are not “here” or truly present then you can be neither. You can love nothing or no one truly. It will only be in half-measures. Think about it…everything you want you already have, and it is deep inside of you. You were born with everything you need to live a life you love, and to love another and others without fear. It does take work to remember these gifts. ~ Lest you believe this it will haunt you in ways known or unknown keeping self trapped in a version of you that has sadly became comfortable.

This is why they are called veils. Veils are tricky, for we can kind of see, but cannot see through totally. Creating illusions. Creating barriers and walls. These walls keep others from us, truly, so we are only ever able to offer parts of ourselves. Usually the parts we like, keeping the pieces we do like hidden for as long as we can behind our veils, or so we think (this is the trickiest part).

And why we cannot wait for someone to take our pain away, to save, and or heal us. It is too much of a heavy burden to put on another, and time consuming to try to tend out of sight. Most often we do not know we are carrying these blinders, so we blame other persons, places, and things outside of us (damn veils).

Regardless it is only you that knows your mind and heart, and only you can change your mind, so it is entirely up to you. I guess the question being begged is:

Do you want to behold your life and live it as a gift, or do you want to sit on it as a ride being held prisoner? Navigating the waves of emotional ups and downs on a roller coaster that shifts with every action or reaction from self and others?” It will be which ever you choose, so choose well. And trust yourself to be wherever you are, own where you are without being a burden to anyone else. Being honest about who you are and where you are in your journey, and watch windows of compassion form in harmonizing communication.

This is my call to action, for those that can hear the whispers from deep inside their fortress. Life is what we think-it, and what we hear is us thinking. Until the one day we decide to question our thoughts. Question our likes and dislikes, our deal breakers, or have to be’s and definitely not’s….this is questioning your veils.

My past life was one stuck in false grander, fantasies, and illusions. An unmovable statue of self that had taken years to create having walked through life defiant. Bruised and carrying scars deeper than perceived from childhood and forward until I turned 43. Totally disconnected from reality, unable to love because I did not know that I did not love me, yet. I had not met me yet, either. Only the protected version of me that kept my life in the trappings of not who I wanted to be anymore.

Remember that on any given day we can decide to look for who we came to be. I learned to not run from happenings, but to embrace them. Knowing that one day with patience, persistence, and the purest honesty a reclaiming and acceptance of my life would manifest something good. Oh and did it ~ with the dropping of the cleverest veil of all. The one blocking me by me. The mental bars that had been holding this caveat captive banished while another rose bloomed in the garden of life.

Make no mistake this is an internal war, but also know it is nothing that you cannot handle. Heck you walked that road. Even paved it with your blood, sweat and tears. Making the turn to go all the way back and take a look around inside is everyone’s destiny. Upgrading old coping mechanisms into a new set of mental tools used to calm and soothe self when lightning strikes. Deciding to love and not to fear when life happens. This is what it is to come alive.

Awaken to your authentic self and truest potential. One day, one moment, and one breath at a time. Loosen your wings to steady yourself taking baby steps, so to honor and respect the art and unfolding of a life-journey. While honoring every maddening, exquisite, beautiful, heart-wrenching step taken because it is your’s.

Matthew 7:7-8
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye
shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh
findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Love, Kellie J. Wright ~
Transformation Guide
Voice at IN
Internal Journeys

Once you concur fear I promise you will conquer death. ~ Quote from the movie Alexander

Love With An Open Hand

Feb 18, 2017

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Journal Entry Free Thinking on Love and Freud:

Dear Inner Circle,

I am happy that I will never hurt anyone again through the circling of repetition. When we have not done our internal work and mirrors are seeking mirrors for lessons of the tend and grow kind, we do hurt one another. Pain is real if it is felt, and this matters whether self inflicted or not. Even though all lessons are intended for growth and we do grow through them as best we can, and are meant. I do not believe there has to be anything in our world that we do not want, so if we do our inner child work before we enter into relationships with others, we will attract another who has done there inner child work too.

Likeness attracts to likeness:

In summary similarity-attraction theory attempts to explain and predict interpersonal liking by asserting that people are attracted to others who are similar to themselves. Consistent with this view, research has revealed that people prefer to affiliate with those who share similar attitudes, personalities, physical attributes, and a host of other characteristics compared to others who do not. Though similarity/attraction theory explains many cases of interpersonal attraction, it may not accurately predict all attraction outcomes. In some cases complementarity or avoidance of dissimilar others may better explain certain patterns of human liking. http://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/applied-and-social-sciences-magazines/similarityattraction-theory

This is why we must slow down and get to know ourselves, and get to know another before we jump into bed, give our hand, or our heart away. Make promises that we are not even sure we can keep yet, or give over the keys to our foundation.

It must be true that if likeness attracts likeness then we are attracting the good and the bad in ourselves. The light and the dark we know, or do not yet, and we pull others to us as mirrors of self (to break through). This is because we cannot see ourselves, or have not learned to yet. And all of this is OK, if we we are doing the best we can until we know and do better. Getting to a place where we can understand ourselves, and know that we are only as good as the tools in our mental toolbox is the starting point. We need this set of tools to help us as we guide ourselves through the tearing down and rebuilding of self.

What happens when we are wandering around out on the social plain of life “not knowing” and “unaware” of these situations and maladies? The dark pains we carry, or the lighter shades in how we “take things on” or “take things in” become how we communicate. So, if we do not understand the “why” of our actions then we shame and blame self, and, or others. Continuing to be the scared or harmed person inside of us that is driving our reality. Thus we will unintentional continue to harm self, and others.

Repetition by Freud is a prime example of this: Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event, or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again. This “re-living” can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and even hallucination. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion

This is the best part though, because once we can face our self the real work begins, the light starts to shine through, and we learn that who we came to be is not always who we are. Sadly most will never make this turn, for the fear of it is dangerously the darkest block. The dark night, or nights of the soul surely do not sound like a place that I wanted to visit, and so much that refused to believe in them. LOL ~ Oh thank, God, that I was wrong.

The tools earned are now safely at my side, and in reach as a mental arsenal of balanced fear and love. Along with a plaque on the cave of my heart that says “I know who I was before I became who I am.” Self actualization causes us to be self aware, and these are the sets of knowledges that are the gold and jewels in the crown of self-love. This gift leads to enlightenment, and to not repeating the same stories.

Not to say there won’t be a time when I let someone down, for we can only know ourselves as much as we have healed, and we can never know another truly, but am more honest and sure of this world than have ever been before. The crown of my chakra not blocked by looking for things outside of me to complete me. Unarmed and able to self soothe. Not seeking the affection of another as a primary goal, or concern ~ is everything. You gain yourself in this quest, and real-love will bloom. Just now within the precision and care expected when it comes to the beauty and fragility of a human heart, for hearts are souls.

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” ― Thich Nhat Hah

Love, Kellie J. Wright
Voice and Author at Internal Narcissus
Living and growing out loud a 4 year transformation journey that gave me, me.
Transformation Guide at Internal Journeys

Tres Graces

Jan 28, 2017

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It is impossible to know another’s heart, so we must work to learn and know our own. ~ Kellie J. Wright

Internal Journeys are personal. They are a contract between you and creator: to learn and behold the beauty that you came from which glows and whips inside of your every corner and circle. I can honestly say that I have grown into a woman that is more beautiful than ever could have dreamt. Self tested and made to reason all negative energies from the minutest to the most explosive is how to achieve this state of grace. Grown to be a test, is what this has come to mean to me.

Believing that I passed, but life is a long walk home, so am gearing up to be what is most paramount. No longer a girl in a woman’s body. No longer a loner feebly misunderstanding herself. No longer trapped in self underpinnings of doubt and not good enough. No, IN this moment I stand processed and refined through strength and might of the three graces, and more importantly, 4 years of taking full-responsibility of hand-walking myself to every happening in my life. The good, bad, and the ugly.

Blessed be that each day is filled with more acceptance and truth than imaginable. I am content. I am good. I am ready for all that this world and I create, and know how to weather the storms of “my still getting used to upgrades and shifts” in knowledge to DNA that are revitalizing my mind, body, and heart.

Believing hearts are souls that need freed to come alive. I learned the strength to never again give away my personal power. That power is reserved expressly, for God, the planet, and the service of others. It is not to say that I do not look forward to finding another like minded person to share my space, for I do ~ oneway, and someday. Just not at the top of my priorities anymore…and it is so good to know why.

Kellie J. Wright​
Transformation Guide at
Internal Journeys

IN the middle of my 4th 90 Day Transformation…that keeps growing better every day. Knowing that this is finally the sealing in process. The building of a practice, part of the journey, to lead and live life each day and night as it is gifted. And so it is. PS Always remember that if you Love Life, it will love you back harder.

Are you bewildered?

Jan 26, 2017

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Dear Inner Circle,

Are you bewildered by your problems? Does your mind betray you sometimes, and are not sure why? This bewilderment is an important reason to work with me in a 90 day transformation. Once we learn how to make sense of our: thoughts, feelings, impulses, fears, attitudes, and motives…we are free to lovingly manage ourselves, and take control of our lives. This transition of power is the ultimate gift of self-love in self-care, and a transformational experience. Unconscious fear and guilt run our lives in many unsuspected ways, until the day we draw a line in the sand proclaiming “no more”.

When we work together the promise of how to reclaim your days and nights soon becomes very real. Take a chance to change your life, and start a 90 Day Transformation with me today.

Kellie J. Wright ~
Transformation Guide at
Internal Journeys

Dear Inner Circle,

This week’s Vlog Check-IN is up at the Facebook Page, for Internal Narcissus. All check in’s will now post through a video blog there every Sunday. Right now I cannot upload them to this website, for the files are too large. A second site called Internal Journeys is under creation, for the transformation work that I guide in 90 day transformations, or by appointment. IN website will move at the same time. This will alleviate all problems and create an easier platform for me to manage myself. I am sorry, for the inconvenience of having to leave to find and follow the journey, and will keep in the knowing that you do.

Less steps was a big lesson over the last week, and I am taking it to heart. Not shrieking from responsibilities. Rather being more exact and intentional with my time and my now. Every second is so precious in life, and am refusing to waste anymore. This means precision is high on my list of morning and evening affirmations.

Gratefully I learn quickly when paying attention, and these are the words I hear “Less is the nourishment that will build the bloom.” No more holding on…oh no, instead I am doing the complete opposite by jumping IN ~ while saying, Yes!

The theme of the this last week’s work came to me upon waking this morning.

“We can choose to be whoever we want, and we do.” ~ Kellie J. Wright

I am enjoying this transformation…and making a choice to choose who I am going to be very carefully while growing and sharing out loud with you over the next couple months. If you follow me on my journey, you will watch a woman who is about to claim her fullest potential in her now.

Love, Kellie J. Wright
Internal Narcissus at Heart

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~ Howard Thurman

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Ghandi

Dear Inner Circle,

Trying to sort out how to Check-In, for the 90 day transformation journey, and all that keeps coming is ~ stay the course. A blog and vlog Check-IN on Sundays. Splash Check-In’s when moved by spirit and breathe, too. No scripting, or editing as usual, using what I have in-flow moments when conscious speaks through my lips, pen, or fingers as often does.

I will be honest with you and say that I listened more than three times trying to not do this transformation. Wanting to take more time to find my bearings, but the stars aligned in far too many ways, for this star child to deny, so am being held to the higher plan picked before coming.

Most prophetically upon waking one morning early December, so desperately wanting to connect. In full surrender, turned over, face in pillow, finally making a personal cry to spirit. I wanted to meet someone exactly like me, but who is different.

Ask and you shall receive, for 5° of separation happened me upon a video about creativity by the amazing and awesomely inspiring, Jason Silva. His work was just the spiritual defibrillator needed.

This 2016 ending year wore me out, and was way beyond reach of my normal grasp. Shell shocked to a brand new person that is still the same, too, was having a hard time on my reality settings. I could not find my center. This was divine intervention for a heart that needed a jumpstart.

Lately these days have me most defiantly back to life, and back to reality. Of course still going slow. My dream is being reassembled…and I am taking special care of anything that I commit to, and or share time with. I am a Turtle now, slow is my now, and for me that is still mildly fast. LOL I am not sure how long this will be or how it all works, so I hang on.

Life is singing to me, but I am still practicing my back up vocals. Understanding that the darkness is no more, and all is balanced and new, but I am still nubile.

This brings me to the second cry to the universe. Again, I rarely do this and this is now twice over 40 days. See I know the universe listens and will give us what we seek. Not saying this is a bad thing or good thing, just that this is a real thing, so tend to be reluctant, or maybe precise is a better word. 😉

OK, back to the second cry. I was driving to work on Wednesday, after the snow, and it was beyond beautiful in Eatonville. My heart felt it would break for the love of the world streaming through, and all the mean and pain going on. On top of it another 90 day transformation was coming. I had been trying to practice meditation and was making no progress. Unclear on how to proceed in the work vowed to undertake, too…tears came.

Sliding down my checks I loved on Mother Earth, loved on Creator, and for all of their enduring uncomprehensible beauty. More tears saddened, for those who did not see they have a choice to change their life and have the love they are. Praying for answers on how to help, knowing it is all in the plan, then praying for Donald Trump, and for humanity, too…

This one moment was too much beauty and pain, and expressed in my heart of hearts that I could not do this without help. A fourth level meditation, third eye and crown chakra work to create a practice so intimate and innate that one can use at command.

No, too overwhelming this was going to be a dedication like no other. I was ready to give up, or felt it with no idea how to bridge the distance. I needed creator, so I called on Archangel Sandalaphon because he delivers messages directly to God faster than the speed of light.

Guess what, God heard, and my prayers were answered with an email just two days later, and my Spiritual Enlightenment Code was renewed. We really do create our reality and everything is connected, but it is divine timing and total surrender in the purest sincerity that turns the next key.

A world renowned enlightenment coach from India, is my guide now. Thankful, for yesterday in the works done, for was able to clear the block that kept me from connecting and frustrating me in meditation practice. Oh my goodness, God is so good, and people are breathtaking.

Meditation is my next truth, to build a daily practice that is sacred and holy. The space needed to find the Voice of Silence within. And so it is.

When we learn to love ourselves, for who we truly are and work hard to make changes to the person we became along the way and do not want to be anymore…we truly allow room for others to do same. It all starts within…we do not have to harbor anything we do not want, and our life is our greatest gift to behold.

Finally, at the end of my meditation this morning a thought came right through me. Everything happens in threes! Oh! Eyes shot wide open. At some point I will fall to my knees and cry out in a prayer that will be answered again before the end of this journey.

Openly I accept this, but of course have no idea of how, what, when, where, or why the happening will occur. Only God knows what will cause this fall. No matter, for I will walk with him down to the fire and jump in again to burn then rise into the air while earning the next pardon of grace, so to cross the sweetest cool stream that will take me to that first next step up a long awaited mountain.

Stay with me on my journey, yours too, for we are all one.

Always, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus

Dear Inner Circle,

January 13, 2017

My IN 4th 90 day spiritual transformation begins. This one to find the Voice of Silence within. Just when I thought that I was on my own, as have always been, a master arrived. They say when the student is ready…and this was undeniably confirmed for me today.

Upon waking there is an email for me that was the coolest drink of water ever sipped. My prayers to God, answered from just two days ago. Surrendered in disbelief of how to achieve my intentions, but God heard. Humble and full of gratitude, is me, all day today.

Finally like a child: open, eager, and ready to discern. 🙏🏻 This Journey has been guided by myself being a 100% spirit-led. Following signs, intuition and faith in love and God, but this is the first person to ever guide me. AND still have to go it alone (smiling).

After a long work week and day of peace that this really happened, decided to breathe my joy IN and out with everyone. What a gift from creator in the form of he and universe this morning culminating in divine timing.

Life is impeccable, intrinsic, gold, and we are the couriers. So, please remember that when you love life, it will Love you back, so ~ love harder! I am love-loving all of you!

Kellie J. Wright
Internal Narcissus

About last night…

Jan 12, 2017

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Dear Inner Circle,

My new blog, Understand, went our with quite a few typos. A proper love-over happened, and can be found on the Internal Narcissus website homepage. I blame it on the lengthy meditation with the moon before I sat down to process and send (smiling). Please accept my apology, for the hard first read.

On that note tomorrow is the first day of my 4th 90 day transformation. A video blog (vlog) is on the Internal Narcissus Facebook Page explaining how this all came about.

Love, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus www.internalnarcissus.com

Understand

Jan 11, 2017

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“Just because someone does not understand you does not mean they do not like you.” ~ Kellie J. Wright

Life is a lot of things ~ all going on at once in the middle of a lot of doing. Doing that has to be done just to be here, so please be kinder to one another. Each of us is in the midst of “being” one of the hardest, most beautiful, powerful positions ever granted. The position of being human.

If in the middle of being human things start to feel personal ~ please stand up, or sit down. This will help to change perspective. You can also try to get in front of your reaction. If you are late slow down. Hold and open doors for others. Give up a seat, pay it forward at the coffee bar. Unimaginably these are the baby stepping stones paving the way to opening up your heart, and growing is doing that will light the pathways intended to assist each other along our ways.

Understandably it is easy to take something personal if you do not realize that you have a choice not too, but you do, you most certainly do … it is called freewill.

Once noticing that you can participate to make a difference in someones life and yours the things you want will seem closer, so do not deny a calling to be yourself. Dare to be stronger and to not take things personal, give people a break when you are not sane and heal yourself by learning your ways. Tending yourself first instead of taking another on will always bring a brighter and more probable outcome.

Beauty comes from the desire and application to change your bad habits and reactions to life and all its happening. Giving yourself a chance and others to have a bad day, and not make it about you is delightfully transcendent and grounding experience. Some people are still working on trying to get to the point of being able to notice their reactions, and others cannot, so we must be the change we want to see in the world.

If we all work together to stop the insanity causing mental wars and heart stand off’s and stills our personal worlds will become a better place to stay day after day. We cannot change the world, but we can change ours and it all starts inside. Make a promise to create a life worth having and sharing with others, and you will see more of it. Your mind and body, are in your charge, and not the other way around, or can be…as soon as charge it taken back.

In the end if someone does not understand what you say to them or does not respond or give you the reaction that you seek. I am begging please try to understand or remember that we are all very precious and we all have families and people who cherish us, and it is not our right to be cruel, shame, or take that away: including yours.

Internal Narcissus believes that sometimes we cannot hear each other at all. Even as close as the same bed, but it does not mean that we do not care ~ simply that we are broken somewhere inside that we do not know yet, so I pray, for all to learn how to not take things personally and remember we are love. Each heart is love and hearts are souls that want to heal, so they can be free, please let go, and let God.

Love, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart

Dear Inner Circle,

The letter below is from a recent double graduate of the Internal Narcissus 90 Day Spiritual Transformation Course:

I’ve known you, Kellie, for nearly seven years now. Our lifes’ journeys and paths crossed only briefly but we have always stayed informed as to the road each other was on. It was only this past year that you came into my life through a divine calling as it were, because there is no other way to describe it.

I was at a point in my life where I was not only ready to draw a line in the sand but was also prepared and poised to take the next steps. I was, as I needed to be, like a small child, trusting not only the guidance of another but beginning to trust myself as well. I think I had taken myself from the vulnerable place of trusting others, out of sheer will to survive, around age 4 and had not returned since. Trusting myself was something I had never fully developed though fully believed for a long time that I was the only person I could trust. I thank God and I thank Spirit for bringing me to the place and to the person, to you, to begin my journey of walking out of the darkness. I was ready for a guide and you were ready for a client.

In 2016, you guided me through 2 (two) – 90 day transformations. The first I have entitled awakening and the second I have entitled conscious awareness. The reason being that we have to wake up before we can truly BE in reality. I want to say I’m a new person because that’s how I feel but the truth is that I am finally being me- the me that I was put on this earth to be. I am living an abundant, purpose filled life with eyes that see and a heart that feels and am filled with so much love and joy- I never thought it was possible.

My dream when I finished my Masters degree in Organizational leadership, and the focus of my thesis, was to create a legacy of authentic leadership for my children to follow. I now see there is a road beyond that for them, and for all of us; to fulfill the possibilities and realize the full potential of being light and love in the world.

You really helped me to open my eyes to see what I had been unwilling to acknowledge in myself and others. You helped me to be still and quiet and learn to rely on my own intuition, spiritual wisdom and understanding. You constantly redirected me to love and acceptance. You taught me to develop for myself new and healthy ways to cope and relate with others. You helped me to figure out what my truth was and to speak my truth. Mostly, you helped me to find and love myself deeply.

I want to take this opportunity to encourage all who feel called to be a better version of themselves- to take the first step in living an authentic life and transform your INner you.

~ Misty
______________________________________________________________________________________

I am eternally grateful, for the privilege of working with, guiding, and growing with this amazing woman and friend.

Always, Kellie J. Wright ~ Internal Narcissus