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“I found what was holding me back from being loving was me expecting everything to be done for me. I was a grown women still caught up in being a girl. Stranded in my relationships, always waiting…” Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus

A few days ago spirit said look for a meme to share; roll through the ones on your phone, scroll fast and just stop on one. I stopped on a black and white meme that said “Girls want attention, Women want respect.” When I read this meme it clicked that I had to go find and share words from my lessons learned in my 2nd 90 day transformation. These are the first words that I found: I had been waiting for attention as a child waits for attention from their parents or others; wanting to give love and be loved, but not realizing I was waiting for some kind of silent confirmation that it was already there.”

I believe this happens when our hearts are broken early in life then again and again on top of each loss as we plunder forward. There was a little girl stuck inside this woman who had been playing the poker game of her life; a slow stacking of hearts in a long wager of doubling down while issuing soft taps of the heart behind pursed lips whispering “pass.” The kitty, a goldmine of glass slippers in the different sizes of stunted hope, or at least this is how it felt.

I woke up this day; woke from a slumber deeper then I could’ve ever imagined. Kissed on the lips from my awakenings of soul work, and thankful for there was no way for me to give and receive love freely until I found all of the blocks that were keeping me from the real intimacy that I was seeking. In truth I was the only one holding me back, and I was the only one that could release me forward into the light. The sorrow was almost debilitating as the patterns of past relationships started playing in slow motion right before my eyes, highlighting and underscoring all parts played in the epic fails of my loves and losses. Yet, this is my journey, that was my life, and I fought to dissolve those trappings of lost vanities and unknown toxins, so I could resurrect to walk free in the now, so be it.

Finally a card carrying adult. A woman in her prime, full of love not fear, free to honor not control, and all while building love and trust through open and honest communication. Excited to trust, and exuberant in believing that I was finally enough; that I am worthy of another human being’s time, space, and intimacy. That I can now love someone the whole way though and back, for exactly who they are and not attach my fear or doubts acquired from my life journeys to another in real time ever again.

My 2nd 90 day transformation centered solely on clearing my throat chakra and reopening my heart chakra, so I could speak my truth, and I will add now, to find it also. Unknowingly taking me to places I never knew existed ~ dark and painful places, excruciating and blinding places, but ones I had created over my whole life in each step I had taken until I could walk no further. Sitting down defiantly in what would become my dark night of the soul. ~ Honestly I did not believe in them, but know better now, and still would not trade one step or lesson learned that brought me there, for I believe God has his hand on everyone and everything always. So I chose to honor my life and accept all of it as was…

Now, I no longer want attention like a child or wait for somebody to give love to me because love like that is not real, but left over emotions challenging us to be cleared. ~ I resurrected in real love, and real love does not bind, it is seamless and fearless. I learned that we have to become love because we are love, we are not separate from it.

I am awake in my being and present in my mind, body, and soul. Ready to give more and receive more, respect more and honor more, and most importantly can do so in times of fear. Never taking love for granted, and knowing when to slow down to listen further if old expectations crowd in trying to shatter all good works done to derail present day serenity. For life will test us, and we will reward it by respecting our process and always doing the next right thing ~ no matter what or how hard it is, or what it looks like on the outside to anyone else.

Internal Narcissus believes we get what we give ourselves, and what we give ourselves is what we give to others; a never ending circle of divine energies that must flow with a pureness that defies gravity and can move mountains because it is the real deal. That if life is a game we can win in knowing that we have to clean house again and again as new lessons are presented, trust in the not knowing that the dust will settle, and that windows will one day stream truth from the well of our solar plexus of existence. Filling us with the abundance of peace and happiness that we co-create with God and the Universe while wearing both perfectly sized glass slippers.

I have so much more to keep sharing and I will as spirit moves.

~ Always, Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus

“I live in the now, so I’ve already won.” ~ Kellie J. Wright

My life is guided by God, moon, and sun. There are no clothes or veils to bind me for time has lifted leaving me quite undone. Eyes wide open from first cosmic shifts: recognition and obedience to intuition no longer a chance. Perception is my vision, levity my gait as I walk through another precipice restored by fate. In each step taken my feet sink deeper in ~ to whisper a promise to, Mother Earth, Yes, I am here, I am ready, and it is time to begin. This seekers questing gives way to the next round of alms; lifting my head higher in a mental “holding on tighter” to all of the guides and stars I have ever known. It is easier this way, so much simpler indeed when “and so it is” divides into a deeper meaning of all that is and all that will ever be. It is time to awaken and remember this sacred verse, we are all children of, God in this vast Universe.

Dream works gave me “If I am in the now, I have already won.” Meaning that I have jumped resonance and am on a next level up. For in the short time span of fifteen days, I was shown and moved in not so many comfortable ways. All on purpose though I can assure you this, it was to push me to dig deeper, to listen further, and open next fissures in my internal awareness. What I was shown agitated me enough to take three days of silent self-care and meditation to listen further and find my truths, and I did. As spirit would have it, I was shown that I already have a strong foundation in my sobriety. There was no need to re-learn this one thing inside-out, inside was all I needed. See, God is not outside of me he is inside of me and this was the catch that I could not hear when thinking I had to re-learn lessons I had already been given. My white light experience on March 15, 2015 assimilated these learning’s on a molecular level, so my gift is permanent if I stay in the now. There was no need to explain this to me again, I was full on ready for my next steps in my journey. I got it; another door opens and I ever faithful student follow through without hesitation.

What this means is that I was freed in totally accepting that I already have a strong foundation to stand on. That where and what I am right now is what I accomplished and fought so hard for in the last two years; especially in my 2nd 90 day transformation that ended December 28, 2015. This culmination of successive water works and deep meditative dream works done while working on my heart and throat chakra’s gave me all that I needed to free myself to speak my truth out loud from the heart. No longer trapped in mind based thinking; rather a tandem of thoughtfulness connected back and forth to both. It was a battle that this warrior child won, and I AM now in the now. This acceptance coupled with another surrender on knees, forehead to ground, face to praying hands, pleading thy will not mine provided next steps; and I was on my way to New Mexico to study and heal with a medicine woman whom I had not met, ~ but that has been put on cosmic hold for now.

The Sky Valley Desert has me in her grips and I will be here digging in to see what is next, for spirit has shown me a few unknowns and reminded me I have a few commitments still to sew. I am standing tall and strong resolute in my truths. Healthy and happy taking that next right step to plunge feet first deep into the waters of my awakenings. Sinking slowly with no fear and complete joy at how far I have come, and what I have now; ready to resurrect IN Radio, plan IN’s first spiritual retreat, and publish my first book of blogs ~ All while earning a Transpersonal Degree in Psychology. The days are long and the nights are short, but I am wide awake in the now, so God and my Aunt assure me that I have already won.

Follow me on my journey, yours too if you like, as I grow and live out loud from the center of my wide open heart.

Light, Life, and Love, Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus

“What are our lives worth here if we do not know who we are? If we do not know that we can shake this masters shift clearing the residues of past and weights of presumed memories and blocks keeping us from the light in the truth of all. ~ It is not time we awakened to be present and accounted for, so we can shine bright in the hues of our own intentions?”
Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus

When I think about my life and all the twists and turns it has taken over the last year and ten months, nothing could have prepared me for the way that it feels. For we can know what we want, but until we are able to be it, we will know nothing of it. I am a seer and a healer. I listen further, and I dive deeper guided by instincts leading me to a more peaceful and truthful existence within the intentions of my moments.

I cannot know what this looks like on me; I only feel that sometimes it must look awkward, selfish, and consuming. I would be lying if I did not admit at times that it has not felt this way too, but I can do nothing else ~ it is the rose in the flame of gold that keeps me coming back questing further into the light in the dark calling me home. My work and mind are a double knowing of things made available through spirit, so to catch the outside up with what is being brought forward and transmitted from the inside. As I trek this masters path that I can no longer deny; I must be who I have come to be and will shine bright in the frequencies of my calling continuing to grow and share out loud all in the hopes to inspire others.

Please stay with me on my journey as it has already shown me new things that will come that I could not have imagined until I got here. Here being where I am truly in this moment in my life. The further we go in the more we are shown, and I cannot turn away or back now. This is a re-dedication to self: mind, body, and spirit. Acknowledging that the days and my mind are busier than ever, and affirming that I am ready for worlds of shifting in ways I never could have perceived. So it is with great love and much wonderment that I sit here totally amazed in my new life, sharing and growing with these beautiful women that spirit has brought together to learn and live with, and staying in the knowing that as I am, so are they teaching me so many new levels of divinity.

Reveling in the cave of my wide open heart; ready to decorate it in echo’s of pure joy as I bounce up-and-down on the heels of my imagining while breathing in and laughing out as I hold my belly calling, Oly, Oly, Oxen Free.

Always,
Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus

Walls

Dec 18, 2014

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“One minute of truth is better than a thousand nights of darkness.”
~ Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus

Walls ~

We must buff the graffiti on the walls of our hearts and our minds. Walls still burning; from feelings invoked from someone else’s hurtful words, perceived shame, or assumed faults. Or, at least commission a going over declaring a heartfelt “Why would I accept another’s truth for me when they have not done the research, or have my best interest at heart?” Words sprayed in retaliation or desperate disappearing act to happenings that were intended for lessons of growth. Frustration hissed under breathe, or from behind closed eyes, and shut doors. Words that once released become murals of protection to block pain and redirect before bursting into a swell of cosmic storms. Heaven spots only we know. Stop, please stop, this is where it ends.

Declaring Victory in “I will not be a crucible for vented angers from unseen or known dangers lying within reach of me or another’s verbal arsenal.” Silent or not, where in each draw back and release the victor changes place in a slow extinguishing of repeat; to release or bury deeper the pain locked in the cauldron of misery bubbling inside. Yes, you/me we are really fighting ourselves here. Switching hats in each question posed as we move to address pain thought stayed. Pain that enslaves and is more deadly than the fear of growing, but until the pain of not growing exceeds the fear of being alone, we will never know.

Yes, you and me we both grew stronger only I finally started to see that your wrath was not of me, but used to control situations to keep me from pain that hurt you while we were little. All the while playing silent observer to the unraveling of everything we love. Adding foe to this list of names we deemed worthy was me as we became fated partners in a slow decay of faith, love, and trust. But, my eyes are open now, I can finally see, and oh no! I will not go gently into the night, no more!

For on this day I create new mindart. I am standing up with a defiant “I will not believe or accept another’s truth, for me. Or a false one that I have created, feed, and adopted.” I will only accept the purest form of trying to communicate, and get to the next level of understanding with the nobility of this will only hurt a little, but with “nothing ventured nothing gained” as my new tag. Finally in charge of my placement and the people who support, see, and hear me. People who may be new to me, but know I am new to me too. People who know me for whom and what I am really am because they know who and what they really are. See, that is the key, we have to stand on the same side of knowing and growing within our new circles of hope.

Believe me, I know my walk and have mapped it well. I see the little girl in my mind that did the best she could to not let people know she was hurt and was dying inside. The one that grew up and perpetuated the same until the pain of being alone so desperately out weighed the fear of trying again. Truthfully, I will never know why she chose to enlist the mantra she did that became the mental mind killer that put a block between her/me and love, but I have learned because of this mantra, and what I have learned is that hate is powerful, our minds are inconceivable, and that we do not have to take anything for granted that is painful.

Internal Narcissus believes that it is not until we free ourselves from the common viewpoints of things that are not real that we can know if anything is real. And that trusting in the not knowing of what is ahead of us is better than anything behind. I am standing at a freshly whitewashed wall of me, in the middle of a new junction to peace, clarity, and love. Giving myself a mental hug, and thinking softly, I did it. I found the moment in mind that changed my world in the cruelest way ever, and now I have the tools to make this happening right.

Always, Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus

Please never surrender to pain rather fight for your right to see the light, ask questions, talk to people who can see you and things you cannot, and know what is right in front of your eyes not behind the masks of protection we no longer need, for one minute of truth is better than a thousand nights of darkness.

I never studied Chakras. I had seen pictures of the human body sitting yoga style with the circles of color going up and down the human spine, but that was about it until last May 2014. I was in the middle of my first 90 day transformation working on Facebook when a quote by Rumi caught my eye. It said, “Keep breaking your heart until it opens.” Wow, it hit me; I had to burst my heart Chakra open if I wanted to become balanced in mind, body, and soul. Yes, apparently that’s how closed my heart was, so closed that I had to burst my heart Chakra open. Pretty intense, but I have no fear, so kept along the road less traveled.

In March 2013 I began the blogs that walked me out of darkness, got sober just after committing to the first 90 day transformation exactly a year later, and was about to dig deeper than ever before. Let me tell you I was not prepared. Having to go back in and re-dig deeper was excruciating. I had to do a lot of one-on-one sessions with myself, my God, and ancient perceived happenings. Again being more honest than ever and amazed with what I found. It was intense work, it was frightening, I became angry at times, and it was deafening to my sober self. I cried and fought to clear these triggers and points of action attached to my pride, ego, and perceived fears. In the end succeeding to breaking my heart Chakra open and pronouncing my heart healed. Well…I was halfway right.

Here is the catch…I got it opened, but over time it closed back up because I did not know anything about Chakras. But I am learning, and it all makes sense now. For this is where our life energies are stored. Energies affected by our thoughts, others, memories we visit, and well anything we are processing, or near. Obviously I was not ready before this time, and really had no clue until a month ago. I mean, I knew we are energy and our thoughts are energy and that everything is connected, but just had not got any further than my writings.

Then at the end of September I was shown a retreat in Malibu that I would take a 2nd 90 day transformation. When I got here a lot of fives were popping up. I am a numbers girl, so knew I had to look up the symbolism which led me to Chakra five throat. It became clear I was to work on this area and was prepared to do the same deep meditative work as I did last time on my heart. That is until I kept mixing up the heart and throat Chakras in my video blogs. When I watch the videos back, it is almost embarrassing that I could not get them straight. Except that I believe everything happens for a reason, and this reason was forcing me to look a little closer as to what my spirit, and more importantly, God, was asking of me.

Let me just say that October was a whirlwind month of exploration in truth, listening further, and transformation. I learned that as an adult I was still throwing tantrums, I was shutting down when things did not go my way, and I was not good at listening when I was not hearing what I wanted to hear. But, I knew I was trying, and I was learning, and was closer than ever before to speaking my truth and moving from mind based actions to heart based.

I had followed all the signs; took the Chakra test finding which ones were closed then religiously doing the exercises to open them, and it worked. I can speak my truth freely, and anytime I feel that knot in my throat of feel myself holding back my words. I center myself to able to speak them in a loving way. I made a recipe for me and am adding and subtracting ingredients as I grow. My dictionary of me is growing for me to share with loved ones, so we can understand each other better. I have never grown so fast and now know why I was led here to this retreat. It was so I could see and heal the last parts of me that were not fixed yet. I did, and now I can start to practice what I have learned.

The first 34 days of my transformation have blown my mind and reset it. I did not know the gift I would receive from doing this work and how thankful I am to have heard what was being shown. Internal Narcissus is about the journey within to heal mind, body, and soul. I am I.N. Are you? Follow along as we grow together wk 5 video blog is out tomorrow.

Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart

Swan Dive

Oct 29, 2014

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“We are divine light radiating beauty from deep within.” ~ Kellie J ~

Beauty is the illusion of thought and what it processes which is choreographed from our mind. The mind is fed from how we feel, so what we see precludes the intent and misdirects of others; peoples, places, and things. Leaving one to ask then where does beauty live? And how is she fed, can she find safe harbor, and whom does she run to in time of need?

Is it not we whom are her best ally and tight wire of her hope and longing, and only place of refuge? I dare say beauty is lonely. She knows not where to turn for a truth that could requite her hearts longing. Which I believe is to be unto herself unscathed in the divine connections brought to life through blood, sweat, and tears in the sweet exhaustion of two lovers’ arms as the spark of life takes its first breath from the warmth inside the womb of all creation and the safest harbor of all.

My truth is that beauty is the light the binds the cells and connects the reactions of time through and to each of us; sparking life beauty in the unique differences of each individual soul. Yes, I believe this is where the truth of beauty lives. Not in the places she plays outside of us, so I beg you to dive-in to find your own perfect life water temperature; performing a perfect swan dive into the depths of your existence.

Always remembering that outside is where the theatre of life is played and inside is the director’s call. I cannot convince you of your innate inner beauty, but I can show you how it looks on my face when I see you and you cause me to ignite a smile from the depths of my cosmic knowledge that you are, and so am I, both here.

Always, Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart

Craving

Oct 18, 2014

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I believe everyone has a craving to be met. To be seen underneath the illusion of first glances and hard cover. Deep on the inside where all of the pages bind at our seam. Worn, torn, earmarked, underlined and highlighted, for remembrances of things both celebrated and weathered. Actually letting another behind the door marked private where upon first glance a coffee cup stain sits on the right hand side of our hearts thinking desk.

A desk speckled in ink and blood from hours of meditation and wonderings on why. Now stars glistening on the grain in the shape of the constellation, Orion; leading to our sunken treasure in chest marked with talismans for protection under: private, do not enter, then, not for keeps.

No one said it was pretty meeting ourselves on the road that has become the map of our life detailing our epic tales and endless journeys. A mariner’s chart for who we have become along the way whether we wanted to or not, but alas it led us on our grandest quests as we strove for love and light eventually becoming truth in the form of who we are right now.

This twin flame is someone we cannot escape from ever because we are enmeshed with the pieces of us that matter. Yes, because what we are matters, because what we have done matters, because who we have loved, laughed, parlayed, fought, and traveled for and with no matter how short or long the period of time matters.

Even when they are not needed or wanted any longer and the thought of their taste or touch makes us want to slam the book closed while screaming our safe word; it still matters, and it is for us not them that we need to remember.

Insisting that we are our own book and we must be met and read to be loved. That we want our next first steps, and most definitely want to feel comfortable in our current skin aligned with current intentions and newly founded land agreements.

Ones that we intentionally set sail for in real time, and can have as soon as we accept that we cannot expunge happenings of intended want and love just because they no longer ring true. It is my truth that if that were true then it would mean that we did not, nor ever, ring of any truth.

Then tell me how could that be if we took the steps that led us to the lessons whereby we met and chose to be in these peoples lives? Because we did whether cognizant of it, or not. And all of these choices make us the being that we are right now, and we need the who we are right now, so we can breathe.

No one else can do this for us, no one else can change our mind, and only we can spark the signal light within us to be read, but, we have to accept that all is love and all is God.

In doing so accepting the people in front of us, for who and what they were no matter what. How little is it to hate what we cannot have or do not want anymore? If we hate or harm another because things did not go as planned then we only hate and harm ourselves.

This does not mean it feels good, it is a stinging from the inside clear out and one you will never know less you let it, but without it there is no growth. Pride will try to rob you of this growth and pride must be denied.

There must be no covering, no blaming, and no denying. Acceptance is key, faith must be resolute, and fear must be absent so we may grow. Everything we are going through is a lesson for us to learn through love not hate, so just as soon as we can accept that these failed relationships and situations are just commingling’s of assignments steeped in lessons to get us to our next crucial stepping stone in Placement. The sooner we may evolve, the sooner to free we will all be.

I know this is hard, and that hard lessons hurt. They cut the deepest, but also agree that they must be coveted to an extent to learn the lesson at hand. So ask yourself this…how long must we crucify ourselves and others for happenings that had to happen, so that we could grow?

My truth is they were posed to shape us by tooth and knife, breath and sweat, sex and trust, betrayal and honor, and the hand of love itself. In this I beg of you to please not worry so much about the why, but on how to grow.

Deeply believing that you are good enough because if you do not who will? While always craving to be met for the who you are when you are at home in the study of your heart, surrounded by all of the pages of your life, bound to your truest being and inherently good intentions.

Internal Narcissus believes we all have the right to live a life worth having and sharing with others, and one as rare and beautiful as the night stars.

Love,

Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart

I think the hardest thing about being sober and being in recovery is learning to trust oneself in relationships, or realizing that you never did. I know for me I was very codependent. I found this out through listening to friends sharing that are in the program. How I was co-dependent was by making my partner into my higher power. This is something that I never knew that I had done until now, and they would have never known either because then they could hurt me, so why would I do that, right? My ego and pride were much too infallible of a team for that back then, but in looking back, yes; I would get totally consumed and lost in my relationships. Loosing parts of me further and deeper each time that I did not catch on to what was really happening while I valiantly trudged straight ahead in life from one failed relationship to the next. All the while never truly sharing any of me with anyone while expecting everything in return. Never seeing my part in any of it until too late then trying fixing it, and wanting them to come back for me! Can you say abandonment issues? Oh my, what a tangled web we weave in addiction. A double edged sword of I want what I do not want, and I do not know any of this because I cannot feel anything.

Fortunately I was working really hard over the years trying to sort out the why’s of this stuff out, and I actually did figure all of my stuff out before deciding to quit drinking for good, but it is something else to be sitting in it sober having to live and feel it in real-time. The old me when hurt would go cover then go round and round in circles. But I never gave up on me, and after years of hard work and realizing I had to stop all of my old behaviors and change everything to get to the other side of me, I won. I had my last two drinks March 13, 2014. Decided I never wanted to drink again, again on March 14, 2014. Received a divine interception (spiritual awakening) on March 15, 2014. I am happy to report today on October 13, 2014, I seven months clean and sober!

Happily I do not crave or want to use anything but life and all that she fans and flames to get me by these days. And yes there are still painful moments, but thankfully when my brain and her ego start acting up from old triggers by perceived lightning strikes; I know they are signs saying to slow down, Dear, there is work to do here. And I try not to listen to the hardwired internal song of protection, but instead accept the invitation to dance with my higher power to cool my blood. This is sometimes a slow dance and other times a disco dance that sends my head spinning, but I have worked very hard at not reacting in the old ways of wanting to control, run, or change things up. I accepted the ultimate invitation to a new life, and a lifetime dance partner, so I do not ever have to go back. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I love being absolutely present in my life!

In the end I know that I cannot change the things that happened to me or the moment that I decided to use to deflect pain which eventually turned into years of partying and covering, but I also know that I would not either. I love me and have learned from my life, and use parts of it as reminders of why I never want to use again. My life is a testament to me and the research it took to become the beautiful entity I am today. I intend to treat me with respect and as a best friend whom I would never harm. Someone who is clear on the other side of my past behaviors smiling gallantly while waiving a dance card full with God and I‘s name on it.

Always, Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart <3 Photo Credit:Jaymz Kennedy "It came time to leave the past behind." Hills of the Cinque Terre, Italy

Listening

Oct 9, 2014

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Dear Inner Circle,

Today was a big day in listening further. I was not shining bright at all, and could feel it weighing on me in the middle of what I know is to be happiness. The heaviness just waiting for me to recognize it and do something, do what I normally do – which is stop, stay still, listen to my heart, follow my intuition, and trust my gut feelings at all costs. I’m happy to report that when I did all of these things and made the right choices for me right now that the feelings immediately left. I was at once renewed with my bouncy energy and at peace.

So here’s what I did: I chose to stay home in Malibu and not fly home to WA tomorrow. To continue working on all the things that are current and positive in my life right now, and Believe it or not I am seeing the bounty in it already. More time to prepare for my upcoming radio shows, the chance to record a show with an overseas guest that will be in Canada during the week I am now coming home, and I can have all three of us girls in town to record our upcoming radio shows. Afterwards a road trip with my kitties and belongings back home to my little retreat!

I Cannot wait to get my hands on my kitties and my guitar, but it’s only a little longer now. Internal Narcissus believes we have to trust our instincts, our energy fluctuations, and what the surrounding elements are telling us no matter the cost. Money does not matter here, but our hearts desires that are aligned with our spiritual course and the peace that allows us to shine bright are what makes us rich beyond our wildest dreams and anything in this world. My 90 transformation is so amazing already, and I’m only entering the middle of week two. Stay with me.

Always, Kellie J. ~ Internal Narcissus

Life

Oct 9, 2014

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Dear Inner Circle,

Life is a constant, continuous journey; One I’ve always paid pretty good attention to, but in the last two and a half years paid strict attention, and in this last six months given my undivided obedience. Let’s just say, it served me well, and I was able to make it to the other side of me to greet this new arc in my life. Honestly, I have never felt so free, so beautiful, or so alive. I am at last truly in touch with myself, others, and my God.

Oh my, and It feels so good to finally be awake and walking in real-time, no longer a prisoner of my past trappings or cosmic residues.This hard break-through took many of many years, but lessons learned since my eyes were opened have been assimilated quickly. The beauty of this is that I know it is available for everyone to experience!

I did it by ingesting my blogs, slowing down, listening further, taking everything as a sign in real-time, and trusting my intuition as my guiding light. Believe me none of where I am now was anywhere on my radar until the very last minutes of my 90 day transformation which took place April 1 through June 30 of 2014. I was on a meditative walk asking where I would be moving, and thinking it would be possibly be San Diego when Malibu popped into my mind. I believed, trusted, and am now a resident of Malibu, CA!

Yes, this is the news, I moved to Malibu. It took 3 months of traveling back and forth, listening further, and being patient for this place and its intentions to provide their location, but I now have a little studio cabin on a Beautiful Retreat in Latigo Canyon! And, I am starting a second 90 day transformation today! There is so much more I want to say, but mostly just want to thank everyone for the love and support and kindness that has been shown to me and in ways that I’m sure not even aware, but know in my soul are working for me.

So, it is with a wide open heart and complete happiness that I accept this second 90 day transformation from the Universe and my new place of residence, for which I am so thankful and excited to be. My goals were met and exceeded beyond my wildest dreams in the last transformation, and I intend this one to be just as amazing!

My last challenge was to get Balanced in Mind, Body, and Spirit, and to find and have true love. This challenge is to get Organized in Mind, Body, and Spirit AND to finalize the move from mind based actions to heart based actions. Please stay with me on my journey where I will check in by video blog every Wednesday starting October 8, 2014.

NWCZ Radio is still the home of Internal Narcissus Radio. Rosie McPherson and Connie Ransom Rose still are Hosting the show with me. And us 3 girls are ready to keep shining bright and growing with all of our friends, fans, and family.

Always, Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus