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Dear Inner Circle,
When I did my first 90 day transformation it was an invitation via a guest on my radio show. Asking me to make a commitment to achieve a dream to put my twelve blogs that walked my mind out of darkness into print.
I agreed then decided that I needed to do something spiritual too. I mean it is a Spiritual Radio Show about learning to love ourselves, so we can love others. In my heart something deeper needed to happen than just editing and finishing the book.
In meditation was given an answer that would change my life forever. Blessedly it is a commitment that is continuing to build a stronger world every day as I walk in the path to not only be it, but know it as intimately as I am.
The answer was to become balanced in mind, body, and soul to find true love. Happily, and after much defining and heart wrenching work I found out that my happily ever after is God, and my relationship with self through spirit.
The journey and life I have chosen is a renunciatory path that works with householder paths. Oddly enough it makes sense, and for many reasons. Found this out not all at once, but as it became what it is by the choices and commitments made over the past four plus years. I enjoy spending all of my time in spiritual studies, and deep thinking to find ways to beat the human mind.
In this passion I have been granted the mission of my life, and that is to serve others. To assist those who wish to find their inner strengths, truths, and voices, so they can determine their own self worth and speak their truths without fear, and attachments.
This truth is my truth-north, and why all the walls were torn down.
Freeing myself from too many masks, coping mechanisms, and veils that are now tools to maneuver through old patterns and happenings if, and when lighting strikes.
Glory is having these understandings and knowing is the difference between what is real and what is not. Being these tools, too, for in this acceptance at our deepest core level ~ we become what we believe.
Eventually we rebuild the agreements with self which allows us to be the master guide to our lives. Then we start to move through the day to day occurrences with prowess, confidence, and ease of knowing that we matter.
Ask yourself…if you could change one thing in your life what would it be? Is it something deep and personal, changing a habit(s), a change of career, to accomplish a long put off dream, or is it learning to trust and love again?
What would you work on first? I have worked on all of these things while living and growing out loud in four 90 day transformations and still am while guiding others.
So, if you have been following along, or are new to the Internal Narcissus, Internal Journey. Please know that you are not alone, and if you should accept this invitation to take wherever you are in your journey to the next level that you have my promise to be with you heart and soul, every step of the way.
All you have to do is say, Yes! 💫
Kellie J. Wright
PS Some big changes have happened in my life…all hand-walked, and have been walking and working towards them for a very long time. Much to share IN a very personal blog coming very soon. ~ “Keep shining bright beauties, you are the light that creates your whole world.”
Dear Inner Circle,
A past students thoughts on graduating an IN 90 Spiritual Transformation:
As I graduate from this process, I have learned, ever so slowly, that my thoughtfulness will continue to serve me, but instead of my thoughts being based in fear and pain, I can shift my focus to love, hope, and possibility. I have been stuck in my old expectations which no longer serve me, if they ever did.
“It is an internal contract of intention through transcendence, changing views and perceptions starting with the re-staging of all the rooms in one’s mind”.
“The light in pain guides us to and through our wounds into a new morning into a new dawn.”
“The light of love is the mother of all time and her essence is a strength we burn as fuel.”
“We must learn how to walk on the tight wire of longing and hope with a heart that is both open and closed, in a mind that wishes to stay but has to go with feet that have to get up and walk instead of stand still.”
“We cannot grow without thought and movement.”
“We can tear down old shrines that no longer fit because they are tied to old feelings and expectations that do not exist any more.”
The quotes that were just read are some that she connected to from the last blogs in the transformation course.
As we start her second 90 day transformation tomorrow I am honored and humbled to once again be her guide, and ever more sure of my calling in this life.
The IN 90 Day Transformation process gives our personal power back, so to then change anything that does not resonate with what we want in our lives anymore. The trust and freedom to know we can release ourselves from old expectations and pains that no longer serve us, but are keeping us trapped in circling is everything.
Once upon a time I was a woman-child lost in the patterns I had wove myself into. Everyday reinforcing and creating a life that was locked in by boundaries of unknown reasons. Knowing that I found a way out and that others have too using my process and me as a guide is what keeps my heart humbled, centered, and full of the deepest desire to be of service to others who wish to know as well.
Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle,
Yesterday was a great day on the mountain. It started out a little rough because I had a little asthma related allergy attack from a mishap with tomatoes the night before (I am mildly allergic). No worries though, for I dug deep to work through.
I was on the mountain with nine RMI clients in Ashford, WA that were there for a four day summit climb of Mt. Rainier. Work gifted me a day of Mountaineering School, so I was added to their team. We worked for seven hours with two very amazing RMI guides, Dave Hahn and Nikki Champion.
We learned many ways to step, walk, and move during and in different conditions. Most importantly in a team of nine that are roped. We learned self arrest, and how to descend properly too. There was a lot of practice and it was hard and fun.
This time I did not escape unscathed, so came home with a sun burn from mid-nose down to my chin, but am well.
Was shown through speaking with my movement and strength coach today that I am getting ahead of myself, so was warned to slow down so as to not miss a step.
Wise words that I have heard uttered many times before…so, Camille, I will slow down and work on my core and posture first ~ then add weight to my backpack slowly. So to not become so worn out on Tuesday from my Monday mountain trainings that I miss another gym day with you.
Life is beautiful and this girl is getting stronger everyday. The photo in this blog is a shot from our lunch break on Mt. Rainier yesterday. I love it up on the mountain in the snow more than anything right now. It takes my mind away, and focus becomes instinctual. It is so quiet and expansive. It makes me feel relieved, small, and big all at the same time.
Words cannot explain how long it took me to get here or how much it means, but I am keeping my eye on the horizon and heart two feet in the snow with my transpersonal chakra more than now ever.
“Work smart is what I hear, you can do it all too, but must use and refill your energy wisely throughout the day.”
Listen to your coach.
Ask questions when you are not sure, speak up when you are hurt, and one step by step you will reach the top of the mountain “with the mountain” not against it.
Yes, I am listening further, and ready to start another week tomorrow in this journey with nine more weeks till my summit climb the end of July, but who is counting!
Love life and it will love you back, love yourself, and you have the keys to the kingdom.
Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner circle,
Driving home from work yesterday, and these words came to me “Be a good steward of your life” ~ it is the single most important gift you can leave your family, friends, loved ones, and humanity. Do not worry about what will happen after you are gone from this life, for that is inconsequential after you are no longer here.
What is more important is the hand-off. Pass a baton that is full of long pondered awakening thoughts ~ share uniquely aquired informations. A life passed through with no regrets, and having made peace with your demons. This bristles to life your journey’s gifts and opens a super highway of positive information energy flow that will brim over with loving residues.
Live long and prosper is what I hear as a final tagline. Reminding those close to keep the fires lit and momentum surging long after we make it back to visit again. Leaving others to take off where we left over because the works done to bring them up to speed were done instead of leaving them far, far behind.
Most of this came to me driving home, but I did give it a love over first. My recommendation: stay in real-time to tend your heart-truths because the real legacy you leave behind is the wellness of the generations you leave behind.
Together we are stronger and this is how we love behind a legacy that will raise our planetary core vibrations in the right frequencies of light and sound that can free us all.
Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle,
I want you to know that I have moments of doubt too. The committee in my head is down to just one, and it is a little annoying at times. Rare and unusual times, it appears. Like when there is space and time in-between not knowing.
I’m getting better at squashing it. Happily in little to no time these days. And if doubt sets in while opening up this new hard bound leather book. The new cover to my life; it is reassuring and uplifting to know that I am winning the war by not fighting anymore.
Accepting my worth. Asking for and receiving it ~are new medicines to me. I am so grateful for the time spent looking for, and finding them.
The journey of transformation is a maze of mind, a grand crusade that only you can participate.
If you like games, try and tame your mind. You may find you have met your ultimate match, and a dance partner worth the undertaking.
We must free our mind to be love.
Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle,
Today what came to me is “You got to lean in.” ~ I’m feeling a blog, a big change, and a game changer breakthrough coming. It always happens this way…that is why I let the happenings in my life happen. Something is on the other side of me that knows me, and I’m going to bridge that distance tomorrow.
Everything is connected ~ all things and space, so tomorrow is a day to climb. Mount Rainier, all by myself, yet surrounded by thousands. Straight up to Camp Muir which is at 10,080 ft. This is my lean in. This is me leading my way to the next happening in this enlightenment journey.
More to come, and this weekend is sure to be a “mindblower” I am so sure of this that am caught somewhere in-between oh my goodness and ready, set, go.
Reminder: Breaking old cycles takes time, so today I acknowledge that this month last year was very hard on me. I took a year off to heal after the dissolution of what can only be described as a twin flame catalyst relationship. I made a declaration to self to sort through and clear all connections to be free in my now.
Now is 18 months later, and am still “in” the going and growing slow mode. Personally declaring to Spirit that another full year is being dedicated to healing the still recovering parts. It seems to be what is, so I will work harder, listen further, and pay far more attention than I have lately.
For nothing blows you apart like you trying to break free of self through another. Eternally thankful to be awake and on this journey; so thankful, for ever step, stumble, fall, recover, joy, awakening, and baby steps that pull and sometimes push to lead the way.
Keep climbing dear, for it’s the only way up, is what I know. Yes, I know, I know, I know this. 🌹 And so it is.
Love, Kellie J. Wright
IN is the only way through.
P.S. After sharing this post on Instagram noticed the set of eyes looking at me. Beautiful affirmations all around. Found a book in the free box in the RMI Guide Room yesterday too. It is called ‘The Path Of Eight’ about a woman climber and Aconcagua. Another sign, and I am ever so thankful to be awakening yet again. Tomorrow is the tell.
Dear Inner Circle,
Pack Forest 5 miles round trip. Leading up, up, up, and then smoothing out to head up again before hitting Panaroma point and then descent. Time: Two hours and twenty-three minutes.
Check-IN: Oh my goodness, and it totally kicked my butt the first half. Not as easy as it was last Monday. I was in a fight with my mind trying to get my body to connect. I know I’m strong, but I have never felt so weak. There were two very clear moments when all I wanted to do is fall down to take a break, but would not.
I worked heavily with my mind while praying to God. Trying to get my spirit to connect to every cell in my body, cried a little too. Opening my crown chakra, and guiding energy through all my chakras to work in real time and plant myself in my body’s three alignments.
Let’s just say it was a war on my psyche, and let me proudly express that I won.
We took two short water/snack breaks to refuel (almonds and cashews). Finally once we crested the first leg of the hike the control started coming back. Panorama had amazing views today: Alder Lake and The NW Cascades.
Able to walk on level ground again brought my body and mind back to center, and then reminded that the mind is a powerful foe. Which is why my life journey is to beat it one step at a time.
Having worked with my thoughts, it is now working with my physical body that drives me. Today was a very good reminder of the journey ahead, and testament to the one I’ve been walking for the last four years.
In the middle of my fight today my mind was trying to change all plans made for the day. Telling me it would be too much now, and too hard. That I would be too tired and would be in too much pain.
I must say, at the time, it was a compelling argument, but having bigger fish to fry flipped the switch to embrace the everything happening is the beautiful baby steps of this physical transformation.
My advice today is to remember that you are stronger than you know. More beautiful than you can see, and to never forget fear is a liar.
Love yourself, and then remind yourself that you can do anything you desire. ~ You already do every day, so make sure to choose well.
Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle,
It is my honor to share one of my clients works. This amazing woman is participating in her first 90 Day Transformation, but has done much inner-self work before spirit-led to work with me. We work hard, she is honest, brave, opens up, tells me what she is feeling light or dark, and walks hands down into her shadows when called. Fearless is a word that comes to mind. This morning she had a break through and the piece below titled ‘Standing On The Edge’ came to her ~ it would not let go. Ah, I know that call all too well, and thankful for her gift of sharing with others, for it is from and through each other that we grow in our greatest leaps and bounds. Please take your time to read and honor this wonderful woman’s process and gift for all:
Standing on the edge. The edge…the edge of what?
Standing on the edge of a cliff, trembling, with all of the darkness hugging so tightly like a cloak. Tiny tendrils whisping over me, whispering to me. Like so many voices whispering all of my deepest pieces kept so guarded, held so tightly. Pieces of uncertainty, anxiety, failures. FEARS. Some of them only potentials of “what could”, nothing actual yet to pass.
Overwhelmed by energetic change, so deep, so hard, so fast ~ led me to this edge. Breathe. One slow deep breath. Then another. Breathe until I feel my energy ground, flowing into the earth beneath my bare feet, growing, spreading tendrils like the roots of an oak tree- deep, strong. My roots reach out and touch the roots of nature around me. The energy back feeding up in to me. Spreading white light up through me and out. Surrounding me, bathing me in its brilliance, beauty, and protection. Shining light on my surroundings. Pushing back uncertainty, anxiety, failures, pushing back fear. As my balance shifts, my center returning, glowing and warm.
Curiously I peek out between my fingers protectively covering my eyes. What is this edge? Why am I here? What is out there? What is at the bottom? More curious, I remove my hand… Wow! What beautiful landscape! The dawn is slowly breaking, the sun gently lighting the eastern sky with rays of pinks, oranges, yellows. Spreading warmth. Softly waking the birds, the life around me.
Sunlight warming me, nature speaking to me, my courage builds. I step all the way up to the edge, knowing I am safe, I will not fall. Having absorbed the beauty of the vista, I look down. The ever growing sunlight pushing back the shadows of the depths.
As the shadows break away, what had appeared as the ever-growing stack of skeletons of all that came before shifted, changed. A twinkle here, a sparkle there. The remnants of all things previously released over that edge, safely protected below. Worn soft and smooth by the winds of time, washed by the cleansing rains, dried by the light of the sun. Sparkling and glistening like a vast garden of sea glass.
The beauty of this place ~ how did I not see? Fear brought me here, veiling my vision. The beauty of all of those pebbles- the memories of lessons past, gifted along my journey. All right where I had put them as my pockets had become laden with weight; tossing to the winds what is no longer needed, with the trust that it is well cared for. And it is. My ethereal child-like fingers releasing their grip on so many things that no longer serve my higher good. Guilt, loneliness, pain, loss, lack…all down there glistening like jewels.
Fear led me here today. Fear has always taken my hand to bring me here. The crux- fear will never lead me safely away. It never has…
With clear vision I see nothing to fear. Nothing. Reality in this moment is all there is. Fear has spoken to me, lied to me! “Come with me, I know the way, I will show you ~ believe in me, I will help you fix and control everything.” Oh HELL NO! Not this time! Fear you have fed me this once beautiful story so many times in the past. Guess what? You, my former friend, are full of shit!
Standing on this edge, considering all that triggered the fear that led me down the path this time. What am I going to add to the garden of glistening sea glass below? What am I leaving here this day?
Off you go fear! Followed by anxiety, uncertainty, failure. None of you have proven to serve me well up to this point ~ you are no longer needed, nor welcome, in the home of my spirit.
There’s more to join you- I wouldn’t want you lonely! Joining you
down there today are self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-harm. None of you are helping! I’ve so lovingly tended to each of you over the years and what have you done for me? Held me back, weighed me down, anchored me from soaring….
I have anchored myself from soaring… ME. No one else. Wait… aren’t I in control here?!? *sigh* No. Not really. I control nothing. Nothing. I do have CHOICES. I am choosing now. Choosing what I need based on what serves my higher good. Choosing to love self more than I love others. I choose me.
Realising tears of joy leaking from my eyes, I rise from my knees that I had fallen to, arms outstretched, bathing in the sunlight… of my newly emerging self firmly on my path to spirit-led life.
Will I come back to this place? Maybe. When I choose to. When I have things to leave to the beauty of the once unknown abyss…
I woke this morning with “Standing on the Edge” in my mind. It would not leave, which compelled me to write…wait a second! I hate writing! Don’t I?
I have written this with an open heart. My spirit was telling me it could help others standing on the edge, or swimming in fear, not realising the fear. In the process it has helped me (of course!), but I truly wrote it with the intent for you to share it if spirit leads you to do so. If these words reach one person- send it to that one. And it is okay to share with this post script, it wouldn’t be complete without it…
Written by: An amazing woman, Grace.
Dear Inner Circle,
Yesterday was the first day that I put on a backpack. It felt weird saying and acknowledging it out loud to the young girl helping me, and still feels weird writing it in this blog today. Exciting though! As I prepare for the endurance training to prepare physically for a Mt. Rainier summit climb with RMI Expeditions the end of July 2017.
Decided to rent this baby for training, and for the summit climb too. A new one runs about $300.00, and I have learned to slow down in life, so as to not get ahead of myself by future tripping.
There is no doubt in my heart that mountaineering is a new passion in life, but until the 14,410 feet summit climb is achieved ~ there is no way for me to be that truth, for…
…there are always unforeseen’s in life. And this is why we must learn to stay in our moments. Taking time to be with what is really happening in our reality, not in our desires and expectations.
Pay attention here, for this is an everything-truth that relates to our: relationships, dreams, desires, wishes, and goals. Meaning that if we stay in our now, creating in each minute happening ~ that we end up making the very best real-time plans, one building block at a time. This kind of being present is everything in life.
Internal Narcissus believe it is all that we have really have, for it is the infinity loop of now. This being when we get ahead of ourselves by becoming tied to ideas, or producing mini movies in our minds of what we think we want to have, or how to be, that we become stuck in-between our now and nowhere perimeters of illusion.
Not knowing the difference between reality and fantasy is dangerous and tricky circling behavior. I know, for I have been here more than once or twice in my life.
Better now that my life journey hand walked me to and through four deeply transformative transformation’s. Learning to see without seeing is a spiritual gift of cognition in a personal prescription of truth. Vision that I believe we all can use once we take the chance to venture outside our lines and decide.
Of course facilitated by making a plan and growing slow. Taking one step at a time while learning to stay centered in our thoughts. Promising to be with our each and very next breath taken while mindfully allowing life to unfold as the gift it gives.
Today, I am honoring the courage of the pioneers in thought that came before me. The brave souls who blazed the highway, byways, and deep crevices of self to find a way through the other side of self.
Never have been more sure of and accepting of all the intricate ebbs and flows of life, and their sacred lessons that give me the strength to go higher everyday!
My wish for you is to take life on a date! I did, and it is looking pretty good from where I stand these days!
Kellie J. Wright
Voice and Author
Love is light; a magical wave that breezes through the body and soul when in the right vibration. Nothing more, or less, for this is loves beauty in its natural state. Love does not have a meaning assigned to it…it is a truth that leads from the heart filling our minds, bodies, and souls with bliss when centered in its three alignments. ~ Kellie J. Wright
Dear Inner Circle,
For too long now, Love has been manhandled. Right down through that ages ~ morphing in and out of so many historical, cultural, and evolutionary changes that if we are not aware of this we may misuse love everyday, and in many ways that are deeply disturbing.
I do not believe that we want to do this, or be this, but we may be until we know otherwise. Do you feel that somewhere inside of you, is anything resonating? This truth is alive inside of us no matter how deeply buried.
Internal Narcissus believes that the truth of love exists within. The barriers to its harmonies are old ways of thinking stuck in memories that have become, what we believe are, our personal truths, but frankly are not.
Following a desire to know this finer truth as it slowly appeared opened my heart to truly see. It gave way to make a real-time connection to love filter-free. Returning the prescribed rose colored glasses that were blocking real-love in negative ways rigged to suit a reality that was never mine to begin with, only was a participant.
When you free your mind ~ it liberates your heart to be who you came to be. A beautiful child of God that is meant to be at peace not at suffering. Living a life driven by love and not fear. Choosing to learn new tools to listen further, so to decipher and defeat the noise echoing from false-self, fear, ego, and pride.
I am full of gratitude to have found the right doorways and fractal fissures to facilitate the changes. A rite earned is the right to know who you really are in the free and now. Compelling and honest work, heart wrenching ~ not everyone will want to do this kind of work, reality shifting ~ wake the heck up kind of work.
My honest and absolute thoughts around this are…what else would you be doing, and what are you doing?
Again, what are you doing? Who are you, and how do you love? What message are you giving and receiving through the constructs of how you love in your daily life? How are you hand-feeding your version of love to yourself, and those you love in your personally created everyday?
These are real questions that should be asked, and there are answers that will come, just not the right ones at first want. No, you will have to ask again, and listen further, and then come back and ask again.
A gift for all when sought in earnest surrender, for you too can be touched to life. Awakening yourself to live life in a way that is hidden deep inside of you, and for far too long.
Of course you will not like what you find at first, and will even be surprised, for I was. Had thought I was doing every thing right even though there was a knowledge deep down that something somewhere was wrong.
This is the first slight of the mind-trick mastered to breaking free from fear.
Joyously too because once creations light is found and felt in excstatic waves of truth-beauty flowing boundlessly beneath the surface of what is hidden; the war without is over. A deeper shade of shift turns its tables leaving a face forward view of whom and what was being fought all along.
Soul free is doctrine free…hope free…wondering free…self-free ecstasy. It is knowing and being what you already are at the core of your resonance, and have always been, and that is Love.
A delicacy so sublime, that once awoken we do not need anything outside of us to complete us. We are centered in truth and oneness. We become Holy. In a divine connection of spirit and breathe tethered in a long slow kiss softly breezing across the life in our matter.
A french-kiss of truth and honesty loops that keep us thirsting for more and coming back no matter what ~ overtime, every time, next time, again and again.
Love is light shinning through the dark ~ a never ending mystery of here and now.
My advice is to figure out how to not miss it.
Kellie J. Wright
Internal Narcissus at Heart
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