Dear Inner Circle,
It is my honor to share one of my clients works. This amazing woman is participating in her first 90 Day Transformation, but has done much inner-self work before spirit-led to work with me. We work hard, she is honest, brave, opens up, tells me what she is feeling light or dark, and walks hands down into her shadows when called. Fearless is a word that comes to mind. This morning she had a break through and the piece below titled ‘Standing On The Edge’ came to her ~ it would not let go. Ah, I know that call all too well, and thankful for her gift of sharing with others, for it is from and through each other that we grow in our greatest leaps and bounds. Please take your time to read and honor this wonderful woman’s process and gift for all:
Standing on the edge. The edge…the edge of what?
Standing on the edge of a cliff, trembling, with all of the darkness hugging so tightly like a cloak. Tiny tendrils whisping over me, whispering to me. Like so many voices whispering all of my deepest pieces kept so guarded, held so tightly. Pieces of uncertainty, anxiety, failures. FEARS. Some of them only potentials of “what could”, nothing actual yet to pass.
Overwhelmed by energetic change, so deep, so hard, so fast ~ led me to this edge. Breathe. One slow deep breath. Then another. Breathe until I feel my energy ground, flowing into the earth beneath my bare feet, growing, spreading tendrils like the roots of an oak tree- deep, strong. My roots reach out and touch the roots of nature around me. The energy back feeding up in to me. Spreading white light up through me and out. Surrounding me, bathing me in its brilliance, beauty, and protection. Shining light on my surroundings. Pushing back uncertainty, anxiety, failures, pushing back fear. As my balance shifts, my center returning, glowing and warm.
Curiously I peek out between my fingers protectively covering my eyes. What is this edge? Why am I here? What is out there? What is at the bottom? More curious, I remove my hand… Wow! What beautiful landscape! The dawn is slowly breaking, the sun gently lighting the eastern sky with rays of pinks, oranges, yellows. Spreading warmth. Softly waking the birds, the life around me.
Sunlight warming me, nature speaking to me, my courage builds. I step all the way up to the edge, knowing I am safe, I will not fall. Having absorbed the beauty of the vista, I look down. The ever growing sunlight pushing back the shadows of the depths.
As the shadows break away, what had appeared as the ever-growing stack of skeletons of all that came before shifted, changed. A twinkle here, a sparkle there. The remnants of all things previously released over that edge, safely protected below. Worn soft and smooth by the winds of time, washed by the cleansing rains, dried by the light of the sun. Sparkling and glistening like a vast garden of sea glass.
The beauty of this place ~ how did I not see? Fear brought me here, veiling my vision. The beauty of all of those pebbles- the memories of lessons past, gifted along my journey. All right where I had put them as my pockets had become laden with weight; tossing to the winds what is no longer needed, with the trust that it is well cared for. And it is. My ethereal child-like fingers releasing their grip on so many things that no longer serve my higher good. Guilt, loneliness, pain, loss, lack…all down there glistening like jewels.
Fear led me here today. Fear has always taken my hand to bring me here. The crux- fear will never lead me safely away. It never has…
With clear vision I see nothing to fear. Nothing. Reality in this moment is all there is. Fear has spoken to me, lied to me! “Come with me, I know the way, I will show you ~ believe in me, I will help you fix and control everything.” Oh HELL NO! Not this time! Fear you have fed me this once beautiful story so many times in the past. Guess what? You, my former friend, are full of shit!
Standing on this edge, considering all that triggered the fear that led me down the path this time. What am I going to add to the garden of glistening sea glass below? What am I leaving here this day?
Off you go fear! Followed by anxiety, uncertainty, failure. None of you have proven to serve me well up to this point ~ you are no longer needed, nor welcome, in the home of my spirit.
There’s more to join you- I wouldn’t want you lonely! Joining you
down there today are self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-harm. None of you are helping! I’ve so lovingly tended to each of you over the years and what have you done for me? Held me back, weighed me down, anchored me from soaring….
I have anchored myself from soaring… ME. No one else. Wait… aren’t I in control here?!? *sigh* No. Not really. I control nothing. Nothing. I do have CHOICES. I am choosing now. Choosing what I need based on what serves my higher good. Choosing to love self more than I love others. I choose me.
Realising tears of joy leaking from my eyes, I rise from my knees that I had fallen to, arms outstretched, bathing in the sunlight… of my newly emerging self firmly on my path to spirit-led life.
Will I come back to this place? Maybe. When I choose to. When I have things to leave to the beauty of the once unknown abyss…
I woke this morning with “Standing on the Edge” in my mind. It would not leave, which compelled me to write…wait a second! I hate writing! Don’t I?
I have written this with an open heart. My spirit was telling me it could help others standing on the edge, or swimming in fear, not realising the fear. In the process it has helped me (of course!), but I truly wrote it with the intent for you to share it if spirit leads you to do so. If these words reach one person- send it to that one. And it is okay to share with this post script, it wouldn’t be complete without it…
Written by: An amazing woman, Grace.