Your pain does not make up who you are. It does trap you from being who you never become. ~ Kellie J. Wright
Someone close to me said they do not want to do a 90 Day Transformation because they felt all of the pain, rage, fear, and suffering in their life has made them who they are, and some of those things are very fine. Ah, the edge to an edge, I get it.
Ego’s pain, fear, rage, and anxiety does shape and color our personality and thoughts. Making this feeling a very real illusion, and one mixed in equal parts of you. I agree that this is an honest and sincere fear that needs exploring. This is also work that we do in a transformation, so have been here many times before.
There is no doubt that I spent much of my life with regret, envy, and pain. I did not know this when I started, but will honor and pay homage to things that once kept me down. The want’s and could not have’s all piled up in my life locker always stalking and blocking me from the beauty of God and love. What I had put behind that door was heavy. Misunderstandings by a child of divorce heaped upon self blame and not good enough had my little girl convinced that her heart would literally break in two, if and when she should ever confront the loss attached the the assumed pains.
Fortunately one day I had enough ~ at the end of another failed relationship, and in deep contemplation saw I was the only constant in my life and knew there was much more work to be done. A lot more than what I had always done. Luckily I was ready…blessings came! A full pardon in another veil dropped, my eyes opened up for a second time.
The real work began and my life started in earnest. I learned that all the bad things happening off and on in my life was the fear unprocessed kept trapped inside of me from that still little broken child. Everything was fine when I felt in control, but if lighting struck, it was a mini madness session. This kept happening no matter how hard I tried for it not too, or how successful I became. She would come out to wreck havoc when my fear of rejection or abandonment was triggered. It was clockwork. Same patterns, same conditions, same outcomes.
I honestly believe that a 90 day transformation saved my life. It is the fastest and most sincere way to heal inner child, and this is all about liberating the child from the mind. To connect to our real time self in current status. Please do not get me wrong on the outside my life looked fine, managed, and only those close to me knew my intimate suffering. It is so odd to look back and know that it was orchestrated all to protect me from further harm.
So thankful to have woken up from the slumber that kept me trapped. I learned a lot about perception and denial in the last four years of inner child work. Most importantly though…I learned to forgive myself for what I did not know then, to release and let go of persons, places, or things trapped in my mind.
No longer a child anymore, waiting for Daddy to come back and get me, or Mother to open up and share. I had to learn how to self soothe from the center of my soul. Nothing outside of me. Self-worth resides on the inside, and it cannot be given or bought. We have to believe so much in our self-worth that it is an all day, everyday, no matter what the bank account, or title on the car reflects natural occurrence.
Love and Life are a Circle of Bliss, and yes we will change when we let go of our story, but it will be the release of a thousands wingless nights that bound us to our thoughts. In a transformation that lifts and shifts us into a beautiful butterfly. With wings free to soar loosened from the heaviness of our deepest affliction’s.
Kellie J. Wright
Voice of Internal Narcissus
Internal Journeys, Inc.
P.S. If you are reading this…and there is something you would like to transform in your life. Please tell me what it is, so then we can start a conversation in real. I have three more spots left for the spring 2017 course. Another course is starting October 2017.
Please know that I only work with four clients at a time because this is private, personal, and deep processing work. Learning to love yourself, so you can love others is journey. It is a quest for knowledge, and how we learn to grow. I sacredly honor each journey as if it were my own.