Jun 13, 2015


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The problem that happens when we try to stop loving someone because we feel pain is that we are blocking ourselves from growth. We do this when we draw lines, tell ourselves we do not care, or know we care but cannot sit through the surrender of not knowing: all facilitated by trying to control our mind and the outcomes of situations by putting up stop signs, resurrecting walls, or all the shocking and glorious ways there are to block people in these modern days. The problem with this is that we are only hurting ourselves with a short term fix to an intended lesson of growth. The distance created an illusion in our mind keeping us from the truth of our feelings.

Honestly there is no graceful way to let go of something you want or love just by saying it is over. It really has to be a “letting be.” Feeding the love or hope of with love, and loving all the way through without expectations. Releasing the person to be free and in so releasing your self, so you can be free.

To do this one must walk in real time love choosing to be a vehicle for love. Transmuting love from the highest frequency, so the pain will dissipate, only then can one move on or maybe grow through the lesson provided. If love of another is in question the turn to self, love self, be with God/Higher Power, and know this to shall pass. If we can stop and listen further and be open to what will become; I think we will be amazed. It really is Expectations that turn love into fear, anger, jealousy, pain, and condemnation for either party, or maybe both.

This is not a pretty circle when fighting abandonment issues, and insecurities from having been cheated on and lied to. It is like coming at fear as a south paw when you are a righty. I am usually very good at separating the current happenings from old feelings, but man, when lighting strikes and perceived foundations shake all reason can leave in a heartbeat. No one is immune, if we have not done the work and practiced it. I say this because the people who would be immune would never be in these situations they have graduated past these lessons.

I have a blog called Moving and it talks about lessons learned are no good until we are back in life participating in real time and can be in participation with another. The last couple days has proven to be some of those days for me. I have had an internal fight to rail agains the intruder and foe of Fear; fear won. I was so close, but all situation are different. I fought valiantly to keep myself ahead of this unknowingness and the things that I’ve worked so hard for in the past two and half years to reign supreme, but until you are in real time doing this you do not know what will happen. The things I learned now being pulled out again to reexamine, so as to try to be stronger and not kill what I want or am in.

I am now taking time to sit down with self and remember the goal is to get to a place where I can let people be themselves and can love openly and freely. Letting love be free to fluctuate and grow in the frequencies that it is, so people and relationships can breathe and feel new. Once learned we will not STOP in the middle of a happening, and will allow for things to move back and forth naturally. Honoring the forward and backward steady ebb of slowly opening up self again to the peace and wonder of intimacy and love, and in doing so will always find a way to stay in a state of grace with open arms that are full of love, and maybe even grow.

Internal Narcissus believes that we have to rally against the intruder of Fear, the mind killer and trickster that will try to protect us when perceived foundations shake, but always do more harm than good. I was tested and could not stand up in my pain today, I faltered, and I am now going back to the blogs…the ones that were written to free me and surly need revisiting.

Always, Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus


  1. Timothy Levison says: June 14, 2015

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