I never studied Chakras. I had seen pictures of the human body sitting yoga style with the circles of color going up and down the human spine, but that was about it until last May 2014. I was in the middle of my first 90 day transformation working on Facebook when a quote by Rumi caught my eye. It said, “Keep breaking your heart until it opens.” Wow, it hit me; I had to burst my heart Chakra open if I wanted to become balanced in mind, body, and soul. Yes, apparently that’s how closed my heart was, so closed that I had to burst my heart Chakra open. Pretty intense, but I have no fear, so kept along the road less traveled.
In March 2013 I began the blogs that walked me out of darkness, got sober just after committing to the first 90 day transformation exactly a year later, and was about to dig deeper than ever before. Let me tell you I was not prepared. Having to go back in and re-dig deeper was excruciating. I had to do a lot of one-on-one sessions with myself, my God, and ancient perceived happenings. Again being more honest than ever and amazed with what I found. It was intense work, it was frightening, I became angry at times, and it was deafening to my sober self. I cried and fought to clear these triggers and points of action attached to my pride, ego, and perceived fears. In the end succeeding to breaking my heart Chakra open and pronouncing my heart healed. Well…I was halfway right.
Here is the catch…I got it opened, but over time it closed back up because I did not know anything about Chakras. But I am learning, and it all makes sense now. For this is where our life energies are stored. Energies affected by our thoughts, others, memories we visit, and well anything we are processing, or near. Obviously I was not ready before this time, and really had no clue until a month ago. I mean, I knew we are energy and our thoughts are energy and that everything is connected, but just had not got any further than my writings.
Then at the end of September I was shown a retreat in Malibu that I would take a 2nd 90 day transformation. When I got here a lot of fives were popping up. I am a numbers girl, so knew I had to look up the symbolism which led me to Chakra five throat. It became clear I was to work on this area and was prepared to do the same deep meditative work as I did last time on my heart. That is until I kept mixing up the heart and throat Chakras in my video blogs. When I watch the videos back, it is almost embarrassing that I could not get them straight. Except that I believe everything happens for a reason, and this reason was forcing me to look a little closer as to what my spirit, and more importantly, God, was asking of me.
Let me just say that October was a whirlwind month of exploration in truth, listening further, and transformation. I learned that as an adult I was still throwing tantrums, I was shutting down when things did not go my way, and I was not good at listening when I was not hearing what I wanted to hear. But, I knew I was trying, and I was learning, and was closer than ever before to speaking my truth and moving from mind based actions to heart based.
I had followed all the signs; took the Chakra test finding which ones were closed then religiously doing the exercises to open them, and it worked. I can speak my truth freely, and anytime I feel that knot in my throat of feel myself holding back my words. I center myself to able to speak them in a loving way. I made a recipe for me and am adding and subtracting ingredients as I grow. My dictionary of me is growing for me to share with loved ones, so we can understand each other better. I have never grown so fast and now know why I was led here to this retreat. It was so I could see and heal the last parts of me that were not fixed yet. I did, and now I can start to practice what I have learned.
The first 34 days of my transformation have blown my mind and reset it. I did not know the gift I would receive from doing this work and how thankful I am to have heard what was being shown. Internal Narcissus is about the journey within to heal mind, body, and soul. I am I.N. Are you? Follow along as we grow together wk 5 video blog is out tomorrow.
Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart