Oct 18, 2014


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I believe everyone has a craving to be met. To be seen underneath the illusion of first glances and hard cover. Deep on the inside where all of the pages bind at our seam. Worn, torn, earmarked, underlined and highlighted, for remembrances of things both celebrated and weathered. Actually letting another behind the door marked private where upon first glance a coffee cup stain sits on the right hand side of our hearts thinking desk.

A desk speckled in ink and blood from hours of meditation and wonderings on why. Now stars glistening on the grain in the shape of the constellation, Orion; leading to our sunken treasure in chest marked with talismans for protection under: private, do not enter, then, not for keeps.

No one said it was pretty meeting ourselves on the road that has become the map of our life detailing our epic tales and endless journeys. A mariner’s chart for who we have become along the way whether we wanted to or not, but alas it led us on our grandest quests as we strove for love and light eventually becoming truth in the form of who we are right now.

This twin flame is someone we cannot escape from ever because we are enmeshed with the pieces of us that matter. Yes, because what we are matters, because what we have done matters, because who we have loved, laughed, parlayed, fought, and traveled for and with no matter how short or long the period of time matters.

Even when they are not needed or wanted any longer and the thought of their taste or touch makes us want to slam the book closed while screaming our safe word; it still matters, and it is for us not them that we need to remember.

Insisting that we are our own book and we must be met and read to be loved. That we want our next first steps, and most definitely want to feel comfortable in our current skin aligned with current intentions and newly founded land agreements.

Ones that we intentionally set sail for in real time, and can have as soon as we accept that we cannot expunge happenings of intended want and love just because they no longer ring true. It is my truth that if that were true then it would mean that we did not, nor ever, ring of any truth.

Then tell me how could that be if we took the steps that led us to the lessons whereby we met and chose to be in these peoples lives? Because we did whether cognizant of it, or not. And all of these choices make us the being that we are right now, and we need the who we are right now, so we can breathe.

No one else can do this for us, no one else can change our mind, and only we can spark the signal light within us to be read, but, we have to accept that all is love and all is God.

In doing so accepting the people in front of us, for who and what they were no matter what. How little is it to hate what we cannot have or do not want anymore? If we hate or harm another because things did not go as planned then we only hate and harm ourselves.

This does not mean it feels good, it is a stinging from the inside clear out and one you will never know less you let it, but without it there is no growth. Pride will try to rob you of this growth and pride must be denied.

There must be no covering, no blaming, and no denying. Acceptance is key, faith must be resolute, and fear must be absent so we may grow. Everything we are going through is a lesson for us to learn through love not hate, so just as soon as we can accept that these failed relationships and situations are just commingling’s of assignments steeped in lessons to get us to our next crucial stepping stone in Placement. The sooner we may evolve, the sooner to free we will all be.

I know this is hard, and that hard lessons hurt. They cut the deepest, but also agree that they must be coveted to an extent to learn the lesson at hand. So ask yourself this…how long must we crucify ourselves and others for happenings that had to happen, so that we could grow?

My truth is they were posed to shape us by tooth and knife, breath and sweat, sex and trust, betrayal and honor, and the hand of love itself. In this I beg of you to please not worry so much about the why, but on how to grow.

Deeply believing that you are good enough because if you do not who will? While always craving to be met for the who you are when you are at home in the study of your heart, surrounded by all of the pages of your life, bound to your truest being and inherently good intentions.

Internal Narcissus believes we all have the right to live a life worth having and sharing with others, and one as rare and beautiful as the night stars.


Kellie J ~ Internal Narcissus at Heart

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