“It is through and from each other that we grow in our greatest leaps and bounds.” Kellie J. ~ Internal Narcissus
My connection to self is born out of the purest desire to become a better person through self-awareness and spiritual enlightenment. Ever since I was a young girl I have always felt very connected to my spirit and have loved all the shapes and beauty it has affected in me, as well have always felt it was my protector and friend. Life gave me an Aunt who taught me about, Native American Spirituality and meditation at a young age. A Mother and Father who had me baptized into the Methodist faith, and I attended church every Sunday till my early teens. Since then I have been on my own spiritual journey. Truth is I am fascinated by all of the major religions. I have read and longed to understand most of them because most religions, like most people, are beautiful when shinning bright in the hues of their intention. Drawing us together like bees to honey and things like that because we crave balance, goodness, and a connection to others and God. My calling finally came about seven years ago.
One day I was standing in the kitchen looking out at the water and all of a sudden I had an overwhelming desire well up from deep inside and within me. I knew inside every fiber of my body that I wanted to be more deliberate with my intentions. I knew that this important step was an imperative step to transformation, and one I needed to gain some sense of control over me and my life; if I was going to live harmoniously within this body and mind. I believe this is when I became a human trying, so with hope in hand, I set course to align my thoughts with my intentions. I so desperately wanted to shine bright, and knew the future me was coming, so I had to get to work if I was going to lay the path for the present day me to get here faster. Oh, so much easier said than done, and it has been and still is so very hard to do at times. It is painful to fall down and have to start over again and again. And it is hard work going back to and from you knocking on doors and asking for permission to dig a little deeper each time. Especially when you know each step cleared just provides another next step back and forth on a spiral staircase of you’s. But it is the best relationship you can have and worth the investment of time because you are the divine and the divine is you, so we have to connect with self continually if we want to connect at all. Now, this bookcase of past selves and things long made peace with will be there tightly shelved behind glass, so we have to make sure we go slower and use precision. This is done by becoming a Horticulturist of the mind, a Sculptor of the body, and Artist of the soul. It is an internal restaging of all the rooms in one’s mind through deliberate intent, so each action needs to be thought through then applied and properly executed. A truthful internal inventory must be done and a mass changing of the guards. You have just been promoted to, Chief Inspector, Hall Monitor, and Parental Guide of you. And you have to treat yourself as your most prized possession.
Remembering your life is not your own, but rather a collection of learned wants and desires, triggers and fears, hopes and dreams that are all competing for your attention. My truth is our lives are forged through the hands of time, one birthday wish at a time. Collecting and bringing us to ourselves as we build and tear down dreams and plans; while trying to create a life worth living and sharing with others. We are everything we have collected in our soul journey combined with current thoughts and past reservoirs of memories engaged to our hearts intent. I believe we are preloaded with feelings that project our world and its blended archives from the constellations of our past. Brought forward in mind to reinvent, align, regain, and ultimately love and guide us as we garden, sculpt, and design the plans for a life desired and worth living. Every moment in real time an intended step in placement that pushes us into our own time line while we so desperately try to connect. Internal Narcissus is about building a platform for us to talk and grow with each other as we try to connect more deeply to self and in turn connect with others. A place where we can remind each other how lovely we are all through the journey not just on certain days. A place to mentally hold hands with each step we take on our journey to heal body, mind, and soul. I am closer each day and will never stop reaching further in and out to others because I believe it is through and from each other that we grow in our greatest leaps and bounds.
Internal Narcissus, Kellie J. Wright