Pain III – The Yin of Pain

Jun 5, 2013


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“I looked into the night only to meet thy own eyes and the angels sighed knowing it was time to step through.” Kellie J. ~ Internal Narcissus


The light of love has found me in many ways as it always will and should because there is no victory over pain, rather a draw of beauty that holds truth in the form of loss. It finds me in the tears gently slipping down my checks when I experience it in movies and stories from others; but more so overwhelmingly in the shared connections between humans being.

Yes, I believe that the beauty of pain is LIFE and all that it fans and flames. A pain so exquisite it melts hearts into rivers that confine and confirm alliances and loyalties lost in between. The thought of these pains or something like it are easy to cherish, but we must understand what they mean and can do to us if we want to grow-in. I think we can learn how to put our self between the middle of either side, so we can see the sunset and the sunrise inside and within the beauty of pain.

My truth is the light in pain is a flashlight from time and those we loved past, present, and future shining a light to lead us home; guiding us to and through our wounds into a new morning into a new dawn. The light of love is the mother of all time and her essence is a strength we burn as fuel. These feelings are painful; they are losses wrapped in longing, but ones you cannot pass through and not be stronger for them.

In the end, I wish we did not have to lose to grow. I wish we did not have to give of ourselves to belong. I wish we could commit with no distractions. I wish that we could just be and have everything be too, but that is not our life here. We were born to be the duality of life and death. We are the vicars of love and pain. We are the bringers of joy brought through our mothers born into a body that is a doorway back and forth through time.

Believing we are a myriad of pure magic and daily decisions that can lead us anywhere we want, but we must first learn how to walk on the tight-wire of longing and hope while balancing a cup that is full and half not with a heart that is both open and closed in a mind that wishes to stay but has to go with feet that have to get up and walk instead of standstill. Oh yes, we do, because we cannot grow without thought and movement.  We are not singular or stationary, we are ever evolving and always connected while breathing and thinking whether we want to or not. See, this is the key, we have to want.

In my dreams I want to be like the Angels and brides of September chosen to be the pall bearers for the darkness of loss. A storm calling home all lost souls on the notes of tomorrow slowly played on an alto saxophone.  A magnificent, Pan leading us through the labyrinth of yesterdays and tomorrows as we dream and wander together through this place we exist and call home.

Always believing we can tear down old shrines that no longer fit because they are tied to old feelings and expectations that do not exist anymore, and demanding that we should not have to let go of something or someone that was taken or lost, but  instead let them within.  A blending of hearts and peace as we walk back out together into the waking mystery of life present as we create the Picasso’s of our lives with every maddening exquisite breath we take.

Internal Narcissus,

Kellie J. Wright P.S.Internal Narcissist believes in the light and dark of love that sometimes swallows us whole. Caring and wanting everyone to feel beautiful, whole, and loved.  I write to make sense of all I am trying to understand as I grow-in and in the knowing of my heart that maybe one word or sentence may touch another causing doors to appear or swing open, so we can grow together maybe walk a little closer to ourselves and each other for a while. Always remembering we are our lives, and our most cherished gift, and sometimes it only takes one person to change your mind, and that is you.



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